Thursday, April 26, 2007

Times are a changing...

Change (v) 1. a. trans. To put or take another (or others) instead of; to substitute another (or others) for, replace by another (or others); to give up in exchange for something else. (Here (but not in 1b) the ‘something else’ is almost always of the same kind as the thing it replaces.) .

Children of the 80’s and 90’s are familiar with the 3R’s: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. I have been introduced to the new 3R’s: Replace, Reassess and Remove....I’ve mastered the 3R’s of our environmental education, the latter, that is another issue altogether. Replacement or the complete removal of an existing product is not easy for me when it comes to my shoes, and sure isn't when it comes to my life. I've known several individuals who have taken sabbaticals and they love them, 7 months of freedom.... For me, I look at the next 8 months with fearful trembling. I don't think that many of us like change. Sure we may be okay with the little ones, like seasonal changes or a new coffee drink at Starbucks. The big ones: life, death, love, heartbreak, and movement, those are another situation altogether. Within the last few days the gravity of the situation has become apparent. My lunch with Kirsten has scared me, made me confront the reality of this new process, change, like the big kind. I had naively hoped that I could settle into a routine of sleeping, cooking, gardening and exercise and all would be okay. Now however, I have this unsettling feeling the future bears more loneliness, tears, frustration and emptiness than I really would like to consider. The greater issue is I have nothing to compare this experience with, a monastic-like one. Sure there are monastic writings, and all sorts of literature related, but I want a 12 step program or something like that.
At this point I have 22 days and counting, and I am just trying to survive, rather than being consumed with the lead up to the move. I've rationalized this as being a good thing, it avoids the over analyzing, such analyzing that has prevented me from sky-diving and bungee jumping (I’ll do them but someone has to push)... and I know I'm being pushed right now.

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