Okay, so now what?

I made a promise, I can't keep but which I must - this blogging has to avoid certain topics - but I will push it just a little, if I may. Almost Dr. Sara and I had a little catch up session on MSN today. We've decided to skip the reunion if we both happen to be single - which in 3 years is very likely - since she turned down my suggestion that we go as each other's moral support as we venture into the land of babies, white picket fences and vanilla everything. After our conversation I'm thinking once this degree is done and the debt is debited - it's time to do something - India? Home for the Dying seems to be calling for me... Maybe once I'm 30 (good gracious - 30... k, not thinking about that) then I'll considering going State side for the Masters degree. The whole have a job, make money thing has never been a real priority beyond basic survival - like work for rent and tuition kind. So I guess what I'm trying to get at in a round about way since my blogging has been curtailed as of late - is I've come full circle on this whole dating/marriage thing. For those of you who have been following along, I declared that I had no intention of being married - for various reasons: my parents own shitty marriage/separation (whatever it is right now), my bizarre nature - vegan, feminist yadda yadda which makes me completely unpalatable for any Christ loving boy, and because of Christ I'm unsuitable for those whom I have compatibility with in other areas. But the sad thing about it while Petra and all the other popular PA girls shun me for every reason they have, high school was then, this is now and I'm not doing it - I'm not prepared to walk around feeling unwanted or unloved or unattractive or unworthy because the last boy (no not man, he still hasn't matured to that title) was in August 2002 - yes, 5 whole years ago, and we are on to the 6th year, that the last man who's head I turned was a man in Whalley driving his dirty pick-up. At the end of the day I still remember the feeling when I couldn't look at myself knowing I was wrong in who I had picked - list or no list, all aspects but one - that one is the non-negotiable, because first and foremost I know who my Beloved is and it isn't defined by a ring.

Just an aside, Leaha and I have found this amazing song.

My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
Who is this that you follow?
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
and I think He’d prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry it out loud
I want to be like my Jesus (x4)

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I’m tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I’m not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like you Jesus