Friday, October 12, 2007
Time for some honesty
Cheryl is back - hallelujah! And since she wasn't in the loop of what has gone down she had some astute observations, two namely - one I'm more blunt in person than I am on the blog - and that should change, and two I seem to have this thing for emotionally stunted/unavailable, vaguely descriptive artistic men - specifically those who can use a guitar and a camera. Damn, that's accurate and horribly embarrassing. Darrell was the first one - socially inept, emotionally vague - I remember watching him squirm on the flight back to Seattle from Moscow - he had just given me the talk - the I really, really like you but you're not the kind of girl who can be a pastor's wife talk. I more or less said that was BS (Pastor Lee was infront of us - swearing wasn't going to fly). How so? I prodded - apparently I wasn't compassionate enough - because I wasn't a preschool teacher or a nurse. But Marie was - Marie was a nurse.... and so they started dating and of course it went south - she was this woman he fit into a mold of his bizarre romantic notions. I didn't learn of course from that lesson, Darrell came back knocking a year later under the guise of friendship and we ended up continually having it out as I tried desperately to get him out from behind the guitar and everything else to say that he'd been wrong - marriage isn't about a list, it's about a coming together of two people with a common direction, compatible personalities and love and sure lust is somewhere in there too - I don't want to marry someone who thinks I fulfill their list - because one day someone will come along to get their attention. And so now we've in short order laid down the same scene - granted and I'm sure the new one is happy I couldn't corner him 11 hour Aeroflot flight to get the whole truth - and honestly that does irritate the hell out of me - but we're at the same place as Darrell and I were "friends" to borrow from Ms. Clarkson - Friend? What does that even mean? So there you go Cheryl - it's blunt, too the point, it's everything I was trying not to do... but in the end I guess I don't really care what he thinks of me (part of me still does but whatever) - since I'm pretty sure his mind was made up long before 1pm last Saturday.