Friday, October 12, 2007

Time for some honesty

Cheryl is back - hallelujah! And since she wasn't in the loop of what has gone down she had some astute observations, two namely - one I'm more blunt in person than I am on the blog - and that should change, and two I seem to have this thing for emotionally stunted/unavailable, vaguely descriptive artistic men - specifically those who can use a guitar and a camera. Damn, that's accurate and horribly embarrassing. Darrell was the first one - socially inept, emotionally vague - I remember watching him squirm on the flight back to Seattle from Moscow - he had just given me the talk - the I really, really like you but you're not the kind of girl who can be a pastor's wife talk. I more or less said that was BS (Pastor Lee was infront of us - swearing wasn't going to fly). How so? I prodded - apparently I wasn't compassionate enough - because I wasn't a preschool teacher or a nurse. But Marie was - Marie was a nurse.... and so they started dating and of course it went south - she was this woman he fit into a mold of his bizarre romantic notions. I didn't learn of course from that lesson, Darrell came back knocking a year later under the guise of friendship and we ended up continually having it out as I tried desperately to get him out from behind the guitar and everything else to say that he'd been wrong - marriage isn't about a list, it's about a coming together of two people with a common direction, compatible personalities and love and sure lust is somewhere in there too - I don't want to marry someone who thinks I fulfill their list - because one day someone will come along to get their attention. And so now we've in short order laid down the same scene - granted and I'm sure the new one is happy I couldn't corner him 11 hour Aeroflot flight to get the whole truth - and honestly that does irritate the hell out of me - but we're at the same place as Darrell and I were "friends" to borrow from Ms. Clarkson - Friend? What does that even mean? So there you go Cheryl - it's blunt, too the point, it's everything I was trying not to do... but in the end I guess I don't really care what he thinks of me (part of me still does but whatever) - since I'm pretty sure his mind was made up long before 1pm last Saturday.

5 comments:

Jordan said...

I think you should corner him in a plane and ask away! Who knows.. maybe he's willing to talk and explore, and there could be many facets and sides to the conversation. I dunno. If I were in his shoes.. I think I'd be open to talking honestly and exploring things. But that's just me.

And most likely I'm none too wise when it comes to affairs of the heart cause I didn't get the owner's manual, and we all kinda seem to jumble along the best we can.

My vote is the airplane. If you bring the duct tape, I'll hold him down! ;)

Jenn said...

I learned from the airplane - you want to hear it you really do but the force tactic leaves scars on the other person... if it's not of someone's nature - a person dragging it out of them, a woman nonetheless seems to do nasty things to an ego. Machismo - I don't like it but I prefer to dismantle it on a global scale not a personal level.

cheryl said...

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that's all i have to say right now.

AND i love the fact that i dont have to type in my 30 character long email address and 10 character long password everytime i want to comment now! hooray!

LeahA said...

I second Jordan's motion to corner him in a plane, I have one if you would like to borrow it !

leah said...

Sometimes I think I make a list for that perfect mold and then wait for someone to fit it. It's stupid, I know, because I wouldn't want someone to do that to me either. But my heart breaks easily and I guess I'm just overly too cautious.

(Leaha's "plane" is probably non-existent. Or so small, you can't fit into it... aka. it's a toy).

Thanks for the "good luck" on my paper. I hope it will rub off soon.