Thursday, January 31, 2008

Emotionally Exhausted

One of the main reasons I just finished off more double chocolate brownie with mocha butter-cream (all vegan of course) than I would have ever wanted too, or crave the gym, or love my Linkin Park and Lily Allen or curse girly movies (like Pretty in Pink) - is that this online thing has sucked every emotion out of my body and yet left me wanting the one thing it will never provide human touch... It's crazy but Shelby sealed the deal - I just don't know if I can fathom interaction with/talking/dating anytime soon - after almost 10 months of on and off online dating I am left with 1 friend - E, one failed date - J, and whatever else the others of late have been. The thing is like Cheryl just brought up - while online formats offer safety they require so much more from you emotionally. There is no opportunity to have a date and screen someone on intuition and body language. Instead you talk and talk and wait for someone to say or do something - a marker or some trigger unknown to the other person. Unfortunately that can take some time - meanwhile you have no way to even judge the other's true thoughts - you have no social frame of reference.

So that being said I'm going to bed to the sounds of Fort Minor and praying I don't feel the brownie subconsciously on my ass tomorrow morning...


Anonymous said...

Again I am commented about as if I have done something wrong, but I have not. Just because I look at life in a positive way and dont let all of lifes troubles get me down. I apologize for not living in a life of gloom. I do see the bad and awfull things around me and I do somethign about it. Not sulk in it! Some may say that I see things too much on the bright side. So be it. We all have our differances and opinion just like we all have a dairyaire! Should we be judged on how big or small our butt is, just as how different we all are? If what you ahve said is true, them why do you still talk to me?

Shelby -thats for shaun

Jenn said...

I still talk to you like I talked to my ex for years - I feel that despite differences or in that case really big issues - that dialogue is aways a good thing. Yes we see things differently, do I sulk, pout, dwell - you know I would disagree. As to you doing something wrong, no you were who you are, and likewise I was who I am - and we are two very different people but the process as a whole was extremely draining - so lay off while I deal with all the other shit going on in my life at this moment. Like I already said, I know this will cycle, it isn't going to switch off just because ignore it