Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I realized something on the way home today...
I will always be unfaithful. Lost you already? Three for whatever reason has found it difficult to accept that I have intellectual friendships with other guys - E, Jordan (to an extent), Seth, and Shawn and sure you could even add Joel to that mix, and we aren't even committed formally to each other. So aside from the glaring issue - the general issue is, if I do go to seminary it will be formally build on a writing/intellectual career - and those in the arts, especially English know that it is a collaborative work - that you have editors (Joel), you have your writer's block person - that was Steve, you have your core group of "venters" with a common intellectual background - English, Gerontology or Politics depending on the group of people - so I will always be around other men. There is nothing relational beyond someone to talk to - and my future spouse regardless of intellect is never going to be all these people to me - it's not possible, nor is it sane - I need someone I can argue with freely and not have to worry about waking up next to them - Shawn and I can and do routinely fight it out - to the point of not talking for periods of time due to our passionate stances. So here I am trying to work something out that I'm hopeful about and at the same time conscious that maybe there are issues that I will never be able to work out or able to rationalize even working out.