Monday, December 1, 2008

History

I read my blog. I don't believe it's narcissism, it's me, it's a voice, it's a person I know and yet don't - I see me - the real me trying to get her shit together and desperately fumbling in the messes around her - it was funny Sara Groves song made me feel like this is like the Jews out of Egypt into the Promise Land. You stay there long enough and you start to believe that this is your lot in life, that this is your identity, that this is even your safety - then it all gets up rooted and all you can think of is going back, going back to the oppression and all that pain. Then somewhere along the line the Jews and I diverted - somewhere, some part of me, said okay - let's find a compass, a direction and let us get the hell out of this desert and on to something better. Sure the desert may take me some form of 40 years - I sure hope not, but it's not like I am expecting it's a free ride because I'm not hording manna in my tent. My therapist and the group therapy session are both say like rah rah you're doing great, and in response to my therapist I said, um well it is my life, it's time I get to have the controls and fix it. So here I am still fumbling, and yet tremendously amazed at His grace and the gentle coxing that has been happening for the last 12 months that I was not aware of.

So to the men of my life previous - I can't say I liked you, but I can say I know where some of my resentment came from. Does that mean you get a second chance? Nope, sorry, not a chance.

To the world of online dating - blessings be on you, but I will not return to you, oh no no no to quote my favorite Land Before Time character.

To the rest, well I guess that would be all you non-commenters - join the adventure, please.

2 comments:

Cheryl said...

Ducky or Sarah?

Jenn said...

Hahahaha I was wondering who would know the reference. It's Ducky. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQXeu9bp4aI is the YouTube clip. I heart Ducky