Monday, January 5, 2009
There is a grande sized oops marked over the beginning of this year. I dropped my life line, my precious, my baby - and it doesn't work. So on that note it's being fixed, and I don't have a computer or anything at home - other then the wonders of talk radio and the stack of to be read books which I am plowing through - you think you're busy until they take away your time waster extraordinaire and then you start reading a book a day and still sleeping 10 hours a day - of course I wasn't working, but still you get the point.
So don't call, I'm reading, don't email I won't get it, and don't talk to me my writer fingers are so angry at not being able to type, weird and wonderful literary thoughts are going to any minute start shooting from my mouth.
The other oops, possibly greater then the dropping of the laptop is I talked to my mom for the first time since I told her I wouldn't until she could respect the boundaries. So I for one wasn't ready, I wasn't ready to deal with what I knew was coming and I knew somewhere in me the boundaries, the spaces she breached thousands of times before would be breached again. They were, and so it was me crying in a Starbucks, literally choking the hurt, the rage and the pain down - so much so I've been sick over it all. I guess I can find some kind of solace in knowing it was going to be ugly regardless and maybe it would get her into a head space that realized things were different for us kids. That was the hardest part of this journey - we're in the same group therapy - we don't socialize/interact with each other - and she's walked away from the sessions so far with a completely different perspective. I would write about it, but it's not fair to take that away from my therapist, she needs my money with this recession and all... that and it takes it away from my writing.
So here we are stumbling as always and yet I have this to gain some solace from:
"Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft." Anne Lamott - Bird by Bird
PS. Books to avoid - Blindness - not worthy of the Nobel Prize, way to overly simplistic in it's social critique and Half a Life.
Book to Read: Economy of Salvation was a very interesting read - worth picking up used
Book to Buy: Bird by Bird - especially for the inspired writers.