Monday, July 9, 2007

Is this my future?

As I noted on Vegan in Vancouver our family went out for Indian last night. Surprisingly it wasn't the food that was causing problems, it was the reappearance of my mother's indecisiveness to the point of reckless behavior. My aunt, the one I've blogged about before, has found this quaint little cottage just off the beach in White Rock, for surprisingly affordable rent, and supposedly there is another one. So now my mom believes this is the place for her and my father - sans children. And poof, I'm out of the nest in her plan and I'm wondering, when exactly were you planning on telling me? Yes it wasn't my plan to get a second degree, stay around or even be single for the extended future - but it is what it is, and I'm in really no position to be moving for the next year. If I did manage to get myself out of debt to some degree I wanted to pack up and tour India for at least a month, maybe two. Thanks to Shane Claiborne's book, I feel drawn towards working somewhere where I am completely useless but altogether useful just because I want to serve. Like at Mother Teresa's Home for the Dying, or one of the orphanages. (If you too are interested, please let me know - I'm looking for a travel companion)

A part of me wonders if I do need to move out because of the extensive undesired input that my parents still have on my life. As a result any behavior I feel is necessary to loose their chains, is seen as purely rebellion and not the genuine, thoughtful decision of a 25 year old adult. The main issue is that they still have this vision of who I should be and any deviation from that plan is an issue. Honestly, we've been fighting over the course for my life for years, partially due to my own personal battle with being an MD. In the end though, it is as I noted before and to Cheryl, I know the end I just don't know the middle. Nor do I really think that any of us do, I mean they are called dreams/goals for a reason right? I have these pieces - I love to cook, serve, write, be with people - care for people. I really enjoyed my "Death and Dying" class, and am interested in end of life care, also in health/healthy living and of course to a degree then veganism which ties around to environmentalism and responsible usage... but what do you do with that, when the overall desired is service - missionary work... In previous decades I would have hitched myself to a pastor or missionary worked and hoped for the best - but now? I don't see it as a legitimate option.

So questions to ponder - do I move, do I return to school, do I travel, or remain still...

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