Thursday, August 9, 2007

This is all your fault Joel...

Note: Sarcasm in use... as it normally is, and it has been edited to clarify.

It started when you managed to prove to me that all men aren't scum bags out to get what they can however they can get it. And it would have all been wonderful, except for your thing for red heads, (and yes, there were other reasons etc) and then we parted ways. I was left without my movie and chatting buddy, and you replaced me with your new online dating girlfriend - who I'm sure is lovely, seriously. So what now, after months of you being tired of my bemoaning singlehood, men in my life and all that I have to concede I have a bigger issue on my hands. And Joel it is all your fault. If you had never planted the seed of online anything in my head I would not be dealing with a crossroads, a very issue of hmm, what is this? Or more accurately how do I use this site, properly when everyone is strewn across N. America? In the end is it just a way to meet a friend?

I've met X, why not just keep him out of this right, give him privacy before he gets hauled across the type of this site later on - like all the other men in my life, honestly I'm not sure if he'd be offended or not. Anyways, a sustainable/organic farmer boy, who appreciates classic science fiction, amongst other things we've managed to discuss in essay long emails. But I sensed a hesitation in the last one, and rightfully so.

So in general with this whole online business, while I'm an all or nothing girl when it comes to honesty and all that - it can be all to easy to pour it all out in type and not consider that those words may never leave your lips, at least not so edited and constructed. I find myself wondering, do the spaces in between mater - both land and personal? It's not like I'm trying to define the conversation, nor am I using this as a venue to start that conversation - let me be clear about that. It's just that an friendly conversation, but where are the borders? Does it ever have to, have borders if it's a friendship? If it isn't just that when or where does that conversation take place. It struck me when Cheryl commented that who knows how many people are talking like this to other people at the same time? And then I remember back to you Joel, and our months of talking, your patience to warm me up to the idea I had been trying to avoid. You proved people can't talk like this for a long period of time without some kind of emotional investment. Even worse is to invest without any idea of what would happen, then the two worlds literally collide, and implode.

For the record, yes it was mutual - but yes, we were in the long run not compatible and from your current situation I we can both agree you're better off, right?

1 comment:

Therrian said...

It's a good thing I work in a job that requires me to have broad shoulders in the blame category, or I might develop a complex.

Just to set the record straight, I don't think it was just thing for red-heads that was involved. If I remember correctly, there were feelings on both sides of the table. And you were hardly replaced as I think we both know that our lifestyles and life goals would have doomed any attempts at being more then friends. But that is neither here nor there.

(Oh and also, I sit at a computer all day long, so if you want to chat, there is no reason we can't talk.)

To the main issue, that being the whole Online thing, it's hard for me to talk to much about it as Tamara was the first person I talked to and we just clicked. For the record, we talked on MSN for over a month before we ever met...which was both a positive and a negative because it led to an extremely awkward first date, largely because there was no small talk to make, we had done it all.

The reality of online dating is that it is really no different then offline dating, except with the benefits of privacy. People are still looking largely at looks before they even open your profile. Something with out a picture is almost 100% gauranteed to not be looked at by anyone who hasn't already struck out for months on end. Also, just like if you met someone at an event or location, no one wants to hear your life story in the first 5 minutes. Things like Missions Orientied Feminist Vegan is likely to freak the hell out of anyone. Don't ever lie, because they will find out you did and chances are that would mess things up, but you just keep some things closer to your chest then others. If there is chemistry and feelings, then the things that might scare someone off at first can be dealt with, but starting off with those things would be a daunting task.

As for the whole emotional involvement thing, for sure, you can't share feelings, dreams, ideas, thoughts with someone and expect that neither person is going to becoming involved in some way if they have stuck around long enough to hear all of it. Just be careful, because it is very true, it is much easier to type something out then actually say it, but the result is the same, and there are often reasons why you don't say those things in the first place...for example, when you are talking to a particular RedHead on MSN and have been drinking Jager for the past 2 hours and you ask a question that the other person never really wanted to answer.