Saturday, September 15, 2007

So this is what's wrong with me....

I guess I shouldn't use the word "wrong," but this sums it up - and the progress that I believe is occurring in my life. There is more to Christianity, even the use of the word Christian is odd. These days I wish there was a way to define myself apart from the ways of my parents, Willingdon members, PA kids and all that. . . Blame it on Jesus, I guess - well He can handle it and I guess I just need to relax when it comes to this really not having my shit together business. Which the thought of me relaxing about that is making you laugh Cheryl, but seriously - we're currently operating without a net. I may be OCD when it comes to organization, but when it comes to this whole life path thing well who knows - I'm at the point where I am tempted to remove myself from the Mennomeet site - mostly due to my continual feelings that marriage isn't in the cards - I know that's an odd statement for those who have just begun to get to know me, amongst other changes I'm attempting. As much as I am a community person, I'm all too aware that my life is not my own - people who commit and get married and all that - have their shit together - maybe not all of it, but at least they are attempting to get the rest in line. Where as I am at this point going headlong in the direction of perma flux, and with that state of mind, someone in perma flux is the most attractive - two people in perma flux isn't a marriage it's a monstrous mess... so as per usual I've changed my mind and I know my parents are praying for someone to change my mind permanently on this matter.

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