Saturday, October 6, 2007

Address your fears....

I just about choked today when that was brought up. Fears? Go for them, you sure? Seriously? (The big inner monologue was running on high speed today - with the big check list of things that I shouldn't say, restrain bluntness - for the love, Jenn you best be doing that today repeated in my head) Sure I've got a few phobia's heights, spiders and who knows maybe even bovine. But the bigger issue, the three non-phobia fears I've have had running parallel to the standards - relationships/dating/commitment, men and life's progression. I can't say that those will ever really change - the first I guess will have to at some point in time and I guess in some ways I'm currently trying to make efforts to move beyond the whole happy and single thing - not sure what will become of that but I'm prepared to be satisfied that I was brave enough despite the snickering, to put on foot in front of the other - and regardless of the end results. Face plants still count as forward motion right?

The second - given my experiences that's going to be tough one and life's progression, well Jess and I had some long talks on the ferry rides today - ultimately a job must be holistic, and right now I've set myself on a course that runs counter to my current job and many other jobs - my "lifestyle," my faith and my "passions" and a 9-5 job is not going to cut it. The Publishing Program at SFU maybe, combined maybe with yoga training/personal training looks like a good option and with my Kinesiology and Gerontology minors I can tailor those together. I'm hoping that it starts becoming clearer.

So in regards to the first "fear" again, the whole marriage thing will still likely give me nightmares, but the small stuff that happens so far in advance of that doesn't seem to be so huge - it isn't the horrible cliff of doom I once though it was, maybe because my face hurts from smiling/laughing so much - which in and of itself neutralizes whatever may be... enough said, semi-self censorship is probably best.

Photo courtesy of Maplemusketeer.

3 comments:

Jordan said...

Bovines aren't that scary... unless angered, then look out ;)

Jenn said...

I guess the same could be said for me too

Jordan said...

i think it probably goes for alot of people and various other creatures/deities capable of anger.