Friday, February 22, 2008

WANTED: Balance

If you find my balance, its return would be greatly appreciated. Reward is negotiable.

Sounds a little crazy, but I feel like my balance just up and walked off the job. There are days I wonder how I had school as part of the mix in my life, then again I wasn’t working full time, commuting 2 hours a day and trying to develop a relationship with a boy. All these changes in the last 4 weeks have me wondering some days which way is up or down and couldn’t I just sleep a little longer?

Ken was talking about finding a Rule of Life versus our lives ruling us – at this point I’m desperately trying to wrestle the control back. Finding an efficient method for cooking for myself, grocery shopping, keeping the house – my room, bathroom and kitchen a decent level of clean and still feel like at the end of the night I had a moment for me – that I wasn’t driven to my bed by a desire to hide from all that is around me. I miss my nights at Starbucks – nights where I would go with laptop or book in hand and enjoy a coffee or tea away from my Internet connection and cell-phone. It’s not that Three is a problem, a nuisance or anything like that – I’m trying to adjust to something that I don’t know how to adjust to, find space for me and yet to some degree be open to and willing to be dependent to some degree on someone else.

So what to do? Well I wanted to go home tonight, clean the bathroom, put a load in the laundry, maybe two if I was on top of it and enjoy sometime with Leaha. Instead I have to go to my parents house – get my hair cut and colored because it’s the only time my mom has free before they go to Mexico for two weeks, then if I’m lucky I get to go home… to what? Sleep! Since Paul and Jessica’s wedding is early tomorrow morning… then hopefully I’ll get home in time to do laundry and all that other stuff. Sunday is Pizza Night before Tenth – oh ya Leaha – Leah is coming over… and Jocelyn you’re invited too if you would like – bring your own toppings… Thankfully I have Monday’s off – I’m beginning to realize while the pay is less working 4 days a week, the stress relief is worth it…

I have a funny feeling I’m going to be missing my balance for a while – hopefully I’ll find it sooner or later. In the meantime I'm going to be praying for the patience and calm to endure this.



Jocelyn said...

mmmm. pizza.
is this of the gluten-free, whole-wheat vega-licious variety?
Just kidding.
I'll be there!

Shawn said...

It is impossible to find balance that far left...that's supposed to be funny incase it pisses you off.

LeahA said...

u should have been here with me!
we dont see enough of each other anymore, i miss the good ole days..sigghhhh*

i dont know if i will be around sunday, i mean i will be, but i dont know until when