Sunday, February 24, 2008

So I have a confession....

I unlike the majority of my female peers dislike weddings. Yes, I dislike weddings. Now before I hear that that is because I'm bitter and blah, blah, blah - it's not that exactly. Sitting in the chapel before J walked down the isle yesterday I wondered how does one get here? How do we strip off all that we accumulate over the years of maturation? Is it in the end easier for her to do this because of her immaturity/inexperience? That is not to say that I'm mature per say but I think we can agree I am like my single peers at this stage in our lives where we are finding a specific single life rhythm - we have ways we like our closets to be kept, which side of the bed we insist on sleeping on - the right side/outside if against a wall etc. So in the end I guess my point is as I said to Shawn today, I dislike weddings, but I like marriages. And so often I think we miss that distinction. I'm not afraid of putting on a three quarter length sleeve boat-neck lace wedding dress by Casablanca with a chapel length single layer, lace fringed veil. I'm afraid of waking up two months, two years, and two decades down the line and wondering what I've done, why did I make that fateful and ultimately faithful choice? In all the glitz and Martha Stewartising of our weddings we've lost that it's a marriage we're celebrating. We aren't celebrating guilt free sex or the months of arduous dieting that got us into that dress.

So there is my frustration - while the wedding yesterday was nice, pleasant and all there seemed to be a clear indication that the gravity of the choice and the Biblical calling on the union and their lives was missing.

Photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/daisyjellybean/368040479/

8 comments:

leah said...

how can you dislike weddings? the dress, the ring, the cute hubby, the cake, the sweet icing, the flower, the cute little ring bearer, and the list goes on... isn't the occasion supposed to be one extremely happy day (idealistically anyway). and if you did end up looking back and regretting the walk to remember occasion, wouldn't that mean you are also regretting the marriage tied with that wedding and so meaning that you could potentially dislike marriages too?

leah said...

but you know, i can see what you mean about not liking weddings in this way that many people just rise to it b/c of all the things that i have listed above without celebrating the exact thing it was meant to symbolize all along... marriage. maybe soon, they'll start hosting common law weddings (or do they already have those), or weddings just for the hek of it b/c i want to wear a pretty dress

Jenn said...

I think it's tough - talking with Three he mentioned that I'm a cynic - that maybe all those crazy married people know something I don't - that maybe all that joy and sickeningly sweetness of the very commercialization of love has some genuine foundation...

Shawn said...

That is the reason the divorce rate in "the church" is still 50%. I believe that young people (usually in there early 20's) are getting married because A) as you said "guilt free sex," or B) That's what most churches say you are supposed to do.

The decision for me to get married at this point (I'm a month and a half away from 30) would be a long drawn out process of thinking over the fact that I will in fact be with the person the rest of my life.

In my early 20's I think I may have more quickly jumped into it and had the chance to do so, but somehow in God's providence He saved me from a potentially dreadful mistake. I believe with maturity comes self-control and maybe that should be the focus of teaching rather than "get married so you don't screw up."

Shawn said...

Oh and I like weddings when the food is good...and if there are single women ;)

Jenn said...

oh one more thing to add - I noticed a shift in the mentality of women towards marriage when it came to the bouquet - cheryl - since you have Ryan K on your Facebook, you can see the pics, but all the single women old enough to get married where as far away from that bouquet as humanly possible - no one wanted to catch it - I know why I didn't - I just managed to talk to my dad about Three yesterday, catching the bouquet would have been dire. But it made me realize that all the women I was surrounded with - those my age all had to same pressure that fundamental belief ingrained in them that if you aren't married something is wrong...and yet they were conscious they weren't prepared for it - why are we doing that to ourselves and our community, rush people to something so sacred?

leah said...

it's funny, when i was like... younger (high school age), i told myself that i didnt want to get married until i was like 30! so that i could get to know the dude first for a very loooong time. but as i have grown older, i actually am gravitated towards the idea of young marriage... i'd like to get married when i'm still in my mid twenties... like 25 or so. (so that gives me 4 years to find me a hubby =) oh, and i remember this one thing that pastor daryl told me once about how marriage is a GROWING process and i LOVEd that idea. never looked at it that way before, but if you think about it... getting married young and then growing... together- there's something beautiful about that. I mean, you dont have to wait til your finances are set, and that you've got enough money for a down payment for a house, or that you've finally graduated, or if you have now finally got down to every gritty detail about the annoying habits that tick you off about your spouse... you're just learning about each other and growing together as 2 people joined in holy matrimony and your living up to your mistakes and loving each other along the way. i like weddings... all that love being spread around. it's great, i think

Anonymous said...

The wedding thing is all about have an excuse to go all out and have a party. Although I waited 10 years and in that 10 years, during our twenties, we matured and made new friends and relationships. That when we did get married at 31 we were with the people we loved the most. Looking back at guest lists we drew up early in our relationship, only 10% were still in our lives. Not for sake of dumping people but, as people grow interests change, life changes, people move onto other things in there lives. On the earlier list we had people on their from high school and still never see them to this day. Have been married for almost 7 years now 3 kids, however 2 came before the wedding. The wonderful thing was our kids were Best man and Maid of Honour. Even though it rained, and it was supposed to be an outside wedding, it wasn't about the setting it was about those you love that are with you on that special day. I don't understand why some have hundreds at their wedding, I couldn't even get more than 80 on our list and I think if you start to go beyond that, depending on how big your family is, it starts to get silly and impersonal. Well that's all I have to say.