Thursday, April 3, 2008

Darcy's My Matchmaker?

So apparently my dad is busy planning, thinking, consulting genealogies - and if you think I'm joking on that one I so am not - there's a huge family tree and since my grandmother was a Wiebe and there is another huge family too in there he was to make sure all is kosher, to mix metaphors. Anyways Darcy came up to me at work with this mischievous look on her face - "He agreed!" she burst out, and I knowing that couldn't be good, "What did you do Darcy?" It turns out the there is this "good Christian boy" whom she is friends with and sent a message to on Facebook a while back, he agreed to add me to Facebook. He did, so what. And in a subsequent turn I also got myself in a suicide pact of sorts with Natalie, we agreed if she can get the drug rep she's been interested in for 5 years to her brother's fundraiser in June I will find a way to ask K out for coffee. I wish her all the best seriously - and that's why I wondering why I couldn't have found something easier for me to do in return.

Any-who, so I was checking my horoscope because once and a while I appreciate reading about how the retrograde Mercury or whatever results in fortune, passionate love or chaos. So mine for Saturday? "You need to put your plan into action today or stop talking about it. It's launch time and it really makes no sense at all to back down. The window of opportunity is wide open and you could be left standing on the ground if you don't go for it now. Muster up your courage and make your position known while you can." I love how they are worded - me being me goes I should email K and just do it... or not.


LeahA said...

Message HIM... and I dont mean 'K', I mean ________ ( whats his name gonna be, cause it cant be his first initial, cause that could get confusing) well you should message him because HONEY he is ummm something..ya something..

and FYI Horoscopes are crap....

btw whatduz mine say

Jenn said...

For tomorrow -

You want to express your changing moods today even if they won't conform to other people's expectations. You may be less popular as you give voice to what everyone already knows. Although it hasn't been brought out into the open, now it's time. Don't worry; you won't lose points for saying the wrong thing. Ultimately, others will thank you for your brute honesty and courage.

Hmm, Honey isn't vegan, but then again I don't think he is...- how about that - and sure I guess I can message him.

cheryl said...

horoscopes could easily be daily devotionals if it had a bible verse mildly attached to them.

Ryan said...

" consulting genealogies..."


I think there's nothing wrong for a chic to ask a guy out on a friendly coffee, but if you're looking to take it further the guy should be the one to initiate it.

And you can read anything into horoscopes.

Natalie said...

Ok so the day that I read your blog for the first time is the day that I happen to be in it... OK so now you have two prospects, when it rains it sure rains huh. But like you said before you have to decide which one is more on your level we don't want a repeat of last time.

Shawn said...

You are in my prayers my friend. I truly feel blessed reading your blog, because it re-assures me I am doing the right thing by not feeling like I have to have "someone," and not trying to find "someone" at the expense of personal values. I must say the Father is amazing in His ability to fill that void I used to so long think that a woman could fill.

Shawn said...

Oh and I have to agree with Leaha, horoscope are crap. Any person could put together a well generalized sentence, sad thing is many people actually believe them. Good luck with that one too.

Jenn said...

Shawn you know very well that Leaha and I both look at them for humor - which is why she asked what her's was for today. As for feeling like I have to have someone - no, but be aware that it's a process and it's not going to happen because I picked green tea toothpaste this time when I went shoping, I work in a geriatric based office and I'm not looking for a someone due to check out anytime soon... so ya if it takes getting to know new people via others then sure - why not, it's not like I have anything to lose - the blog stripped me of any sense of propriety a long time ago.

Shawn said...

Well you claim you don't feel like you have to have someone. Your blogs come across as just the opposite. Sometimes they come across as straight up desperate in your need to be in a relationship with "the perfect man." I know me saying this is going to piss you off and maybe even cause you to not talk to me for awhile, which I am used to, but let's be real. When you talk about a boy, one of which you are attracted to, you never mention him as a friend. When you refer to me or other male friends, it is always in a non-desperate, matter of fact, kind of way. You say that a relationship is built over time, I agree 100%. It is taking the element of physical attraction out of the equation and letting a friendship develope first. That is the key to what a healthy relationship will/could be. This allows for you to be able to see the person for who they are, not seeing them for what you want them to be. I am just glad that I free of that desperation, either caused by society or family, that I "need" to find someone. If you are not totally satisfied with being who God created you to be and in relationship with Him, then your focus on who and why is off.

Sorry if what I say makes you mad, feel free to remove it from the comments.

Jenn said...

Shawn, I don't care, because you see it one way and I see it another, here's the deal - you as a male are given the social upper hand - it's not considered proper for a female to pursue and to be honest I don't want to, so I'm finding another way to get to know people - joined an new coffee discussion group through Tenth and am getting to know people through others like Darcy or my father and secondly you can wait you're whole life to have kids and or be single - don't get me started on being called a spinster already and it's fine for you to be bachelor because that is somehow cool. So if I want to let Darcy have some fun and set me up with someone, then so be it, and in the end what's the worst - I give him an hour of my time for coffee?

Shawn said...

"you as a male are given the social upper hand," cop out and lame excuse number one. You of all people I would think would want to pursue a way to fix this social injustice.

"secondly you can wait you're whole life to have kids and or be single - don't get me started on being called a spinster already and it's fine for you to be bachelor because that is somehow cool." Number two, are you being serious? Do you think that I haven't been asked over and over again by people? The difference I truly don't care about what society thinks, again because this is a lame man made social rule. I think you may be missing my point. Take all the man made crap out of the discussion and you are left with God. God matters, these stigmas don't, but if you would not like to try and change the way society thinks, that's your choice and you are more than welcome to be part of the herd.

As far as meeting people through a discussion group at Tenth, go for it, I encourage interaction with peers, and you might even get to know someone without the agenda of getting to know them for only a romantic reason.

Stigmas and agendas, they are great aren't they? Think back to our extensive conversation of the stigmas of this society, people always thinking you have an agenda and then think about what you had to say about them then.

Ryan said...

Shawn, I agree with you dude on several levels:
1. We don't need social stigmas to prod us in any direction. God's will for our lives should prod us in the right direction.
2. Being single is fine, not a disease. Some better serve the Lord by being unmarried. (1 Cor 7:34)
3. I agree that if you can't be friends with someone before taking the relationship further you may be disillusioning yourself (ever heard "love is blind"?). Take my sister's horrid last ex as an example - the guy was an idiot and I'm glad she finally took the blinkers off (thanks to much prayer from friends and family).

Then I agree with Jenn on certain points:
1. Biologically women have a clock ticking against them. If they want kids they need a man not just for his "bit", but for protection and provision during this period and for child-raising. It's a team effort - my parents attest to it!
2. Making herself available to the opportunity that she has been presented with. Too many Christians sit on their butts and expect God to do all the work. Just as Abraham's servant did in Gen 24:11 he went to a place at a certain time where he knew women would be. Single Christians should avail themselves of the same opportunity - go where other single Christians are (church, youth groups, young adults groups, bible studies, Christian friends... etc). And then pray about it, just as Abraham's servant did.

One last thing I'd like to discuss is the topic of singledom.

Interestingly in the bible, woman was created to cure man's loneliness - "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him an help meet for him." (Gen 2:18) Then God created woman. Or, as Adam's first words likely were, "Woe, man!" ;-)

I believe that because of this fact it is more difficult for man to be alone, than it is for woman. And suicide stats in Australia (one of the highest nations in the world for suicides unfortunately) proves this - the ratio being 4:1 male to female suicides.

So within man God created us NOT to be alone, and within woman God created this clock where if they want to have children they cannot be alone and need the provisions and protection of man. Interestingly intertwined, huh?

Jenn said...

Ryan, thanks for your comment, I completely agree about the being friend part - it's been said over and over I need someone I can grow into, but so often if it isn't on someone's mind - the idea of dating, not necessarily that person, it seems to stalemate in this odd friend or not friend dance that honestly I don't have time for - sure I've got room for guy friends in my life - but if they aren't marriage material they don't get a priority which I think is fair - the same should be with men and their female friends - if you're looking and you've got a gaggle of female friends it sends the signal you aren't available/looking and or are superficially filling the area of a relationship with women you get emotional support from with zero commitment... Yes Ryan I do think we are ultimately (for most people) designed to be together, and even for those called to singleness - there are communities for them.

Ryan said...

Yeah I agree Jenn.

I had one such friend I met early last year who was interested in taking our friendship to the next level. I was never really that into her, but went on several outings just in case I was missing something. Unfortunately nothing ever eventuated, and I told her my heart about our relationship and what I felt.

She was upset, but a couple of months later she ended up falling in love with another guy and they are still together and seem perfect for each other!

We still email each other once every blue moon (as friends) and that's how the relationship will stay.

I'm glad we were both mature about it as we could've deceived ourselves and she may very well have missed out on the bloke who she's in love with now.

As mentioned on my blog, there has been an opportunity that may or may not eventuate with someone from my old school, I'll see if there's anything there and if so continue to pursue to see whether she feels the same way. If not, great, the sooner we find out whether somethings NOT there the better, so that we can both move on and find the one God has for both our lives.

I know some immature Christians who seem to be of the opinion that they are God's gift to womankind, or mankind, and are absolutely devastated to the point that they no longer date because one relationship didn't work out the way THEY wanted it to. They even go so far as to state that God doesn't care, or even more dangerous God doesn't exist because He didn't give me what *I* wanted.

Let's not be so immature I try and tell these young folk. It's great news to find out that a relationship didn't work out, you can move on and seek the one God has for you!

Sometimes searching and getting involved with finding the one God has for you can be half the fun!! ;o)

Anonymous said...

My husband and I were friends before we became a couple, he watched me date other guys and I too saw him. I knew he had a crush on me, and at the time thought I was not into him. Until one day it hit me. I don't really know what came over me, and at that point he just about gave up on trying to have more with me. Although throughout our friendship he never crossed the line or made me feel uncomfortable at all, I had a lot of trust in him Now 17 years later and 3 kids, I am in love with him more now than I ever have been. I know our situation is unusual, but I wasn't looking and he was there in front of me the whole time. Meet Darcey's friend, email K, what have you got to lose. You never know what will come of it, but also be patient, and don't expect marriage material right off the bat, sometimes they have to grow into it.