Monday, October 20, 2008

A Moment in Time

I contacted a friend of mine who's a photographer in the hopes that she can capture this moment in time. A way of remembering that this moment is not the worst, that there is beauty. I've been intentionally trying to see, seek and surround myself with moments of beauty. Not in a way of distraction, but rather in a life is beautiful, it has purpose, meaning and sanctity kind of way to offset the prevailing emotion in my body, exhaustion. That and so you'll can see the new hair...

I've been thinking about why I feel like I do and what I can do to change it. I don't know if there is much I can actively do, there is plenty I know I need to return to but when you're surrounded by therapy in it's various forms in your time away from work, life becomes an all consuming emotional release, it's no longer cathartic, it just is what it is. I know they say not to call the group I'm in therapy, but I think it is - I spill my life open, I cry and struggle through it and if we're being picky I pay for it. I paid to be put through my emotional and memory paces. To bad all the crying doesn't burn calories... instead insights emotional eating, heartburn and zero appetite at the best of times. Tonight all I wanted was someone to carry me to the Skytrain and then carry me to and off the bus. Walking is hard. I'm hoping that with some more sleep and a reduced work schedule I can stave off medical leave. Right now it's just plain old hard.

I'm going to try and watch some Grey's Anatomy on Sidereel.com with the candle flickering in the background, and yes there will be ice cream. I think I've eaten every junk food I hadn't eaten in years in the last month and yes I did have a burger, two to be exact, and I will not say they won't be the last, I don't honestly care right now, no PETA videos, until they start cooking for me at 10:30pm after a 2 1/2 hour therapy session they can shove it. You heard me.

On an up note Feist - I love her, that I do...



Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/zagonas/2091743680/

5 comments:

Psyconym said...

Hey - I went through therapy at University. Not nearly as intensive as yours sounds.

I am a vegetarian partly so I can enjoy chocolaty goodness.

Good Luck!!

Psyconym said...

Sorry that might have sounded shallow of me. I am a vegetarian because I feel that humanity should treat animals in it's care with respect to their life. If we treat animals better we will treat each other better as well. I am against the marketing of life so to speak.

Jenn said...

I completely agree, right now I'm not a practicing vegan, I do however completely understand and agree with the various reasons why people choose not to consume meat. As a choice I opt not to as I do believe that we as a general society do not know or care to know where our meat comes from. If we could ensure that animals raised for consumption were treated humanly and slaughter in the same way that may be different. Currently if I do purchase meat products they are free range, organic, in the hopes of ensuring that I am not participating the in chemicalization of the food chain.

There are plenty of awesome vegan foods out there and I would encourage you in our vegetarianism, for me right now my biggest concern is just the act of eating, to ensure that I can't be in the kitchen cooking exhaustive meals like a used to, so yes unfortunately chicken, turkey and dolphin free tuna have been found in my diet.

Psyconym said...

I think I was so stressed (I was in therapy for the stress caused by going to therapy in the first place - which was ironic) during my degree - I came out of the library to eat a beef burger. I felt pretty ill afterwards.

I also ate pawn crackers, but then I didn't think they were made out of fish (now that was embarrassing in front of my non vegetarian friends.)

I admire vegan ism. I'll check out your vegan blog at some point, because I too need to get back into making meals from scratch. Vegetarianism doesn't necessarily equal a healthy diet with the pulses and regular fruit.

Psyconym said...

But totally look after yourself, therapy is really hard.