Monday, November 24, 2008

We Aren't In Kansas Anymore

Nope, that I am not. It was funny that M at work suggested that I be nicer to Three. That ship sailed, that life sailed, it's all gone and there is no point digging around in the laundry of the past that has been cleaned and sorted - it was not in there in the first place why would it be there now. On a somewhat positive note, I think I've got the body language thing going in the right direction after the last gaffe that I promise was not my fault. There's been this "harmless" guy on the bus for the last 4 months (?) who knows to be honest, I remember it was hot. Well I figured what's it going to hurt to look back when I noticed him looking - supposedly that indicated interest - geez I feel like I'm learning a new language. Well in the end nothing was exchanged except the continuous rubbing of elbows as we sat squishy next to each other. I got a little chuckle out of his glance back as he got off the bus - like a I just don't know. I know this is a safe time, I'm surrounded by therapists and everything is being monitored - it's like jumping into the shallow end with your parents there arms outstretched. I guess I just don't know. Honestly I don't trust myself. Maybe that's the point, I need to trust the person inside who has been ignored for too long, trust her gut and be honest with myself. If I'm being honest with you guys, he's cute and he lives in the neighbourhood - yah, it's not only the same country, it's the same freaking postal code. That also ups the stakes for running into him Saturday mornings after yoga - in my Lulu's and no makeup... oh well - that's what life looks like right?



R.E.II (The Missing Chapters) said...

Shinning light, has this got anything to do with your story on the other blog? Changes? If we don't trust ourselves then who can we trust. I guess I have read this wrongly, please correct me! Who is he?

cheryl said...

drop three like a piece of old meat. that's my two cents. he has plenty of friends and support in his own zip code, and you don't need to waste the emotional investment, even as just a friend

Jenn said...

Exactly - I agree and that's what I said.

Jenn said...

R.E.II - For discussion on Three:

As to the guy on the bus, he's nice to look at and likely not a whole lot more.

Psyconym said...

mmm well the mating game is a tough umm game. A bit of lust doesn't hurt here and there. Makes life a bit more interesting, though always chasing after them isn't advisable.

Personally I feel that some relationships have longer or shorter shelf lives, and this happens quite naturally.

I was 'in love' with someone from France who could only stay in the UK for a few weeks, and I didn't cry when he left, but accepted things moved on. Still think of him, though probaly doesn't think of me. I think that's normal as well. Just as sometimes I meet people and they are obviously turned on to me, but not I to them.

Sounds like you are in a tough place to be having a relationship, especially when you are concentrating on yourself, and healing yourself. You want a relationship based on mutual love and respect, not one that is one way or dependent on as aspect of yourself that is in transition.

Thw worst relaitonships are the ones we feel we should be in, or should have.

I will stop the rambling. Love is art, rather than science, I believe.


Jenn said...

I agree Psyconym, it is an art, thus I leave it to fate and all that could happen in this life time. The bus guy is nice to look at, like a nice pair of shoes I guess - you look, admire but it's not the time for those or him. Well maybe the shoes if they are on sale...poor analogy I guess. The other one, no time for rehashing that which was never there in the first place...blech

Psyconym said...

Yeah shoes are good. I can't afford them currently, so I don't look. My friend had three rejections from interviews and the shoes she wanted sold out. She was very unhappy.

Lust abounds, I've just side stepped the idea of finding love and just choosen to experience things and people.

Take care, your pictures in the other blog were cute by the way.