Saturday, December 27, 2008

Fresh Tears

I am trying to take advantage of next two days of pure holiday - that is for me spending as much time as humanly possible in bed, sleeping, reading or more often than not on my computer watching movies. I just completed Sex and the City's movie version. I was addicted to the show when it was on HBO/Bravo and eventually TBS - I used to wait up late on Saturdays to watch it. The writing and the characters do have so many real life qualities, foibles, weakness, addictions and so on that it does mirror, reiterate and reassure me so often. I know finding TV as a place of reassurance... for me it's the place where they are as honest as my friends would be, if they had great writers articulating their thoughts into movie lines.

The movie had so many moments of real life resemblance to this last year - so much so that well I cried - I cried throughout the whole thing - in bits and spurts - it made me realize seeing Carrie go through similar emotions that I did about the amazing support I had and have. The friends who held me fast to life when all I wanted to do was let go, to never feel again, to never hope again, to never do anything but labor on through until God was merciful enough to take me away. I don't know how to thank any of you to the depth of which you are owed - to thank you for loving me, for putting up with me, for feeding me, for holding me, for pushing me, for letting me be, for every little and big step you were there for and still are there for. For all those times when in your wordlessness, when my pain and grief took your words away, that you still showed compassion, grace and love to a wreck of a life. You made me human again - you gave me back my pain, my tears, my joy, my love, my hope and my future. I don't know how to thank you other then for you - and you know who you are - to know you changed this life. These tears are for you - and it's a good thing. Life's a good thing and so is love. Maybe that's why PC's here - to remind me we do get our happily ever after in some way, shape or form - with or without PC - love is all around us.

In honor of the first group of ladies to hold my hand through loves first deep losses:


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