To My Southern Friends

I've become a frequent reader and commenter on Shaun Groves blog - but you know there is a point to where I've come to realize there is a really good reason I don't live on the lower half of this fine continent.

One: Holidays are almost all inherently pagan - you keep forgetting that Christianity is a relatively new religion all things considered - not Judaism - yes that's been around, but they've got their own holidays you should educate yourselves on - Purim, Rosh Hashanah, Passover, Yon Kippur and lets not forget Chanukkah - yes there is a C - since it's a guttural H... Halloween and Christmas were pagan - and you know what are pretty much the worst kind of pagan now - Hallmark style pagan... But that I realize is an insult to those who actually celebrate the original meaning/purpose of the holiday - granted it has been several years since I did my research into Halloween's origins - but the basic premise like a large number of world religions is a reconnection with the dead, a feeding of the spirits and as a whole a time polar opposite to this Christian idea of ritual sacrifice etc.

As a side note - ritual sacrifice is the prime sin Christians have tacked onto groups they don't like - Jews for example - yes, Christians even developed laws in England, and the rest of Europe based on this belief - Chaucer wrote The Prioress' Tale and the Bellis Trial in Poland in recent times was also based on this.... tacky really tacky.

Two: Educate yourselves beyond the here and now - the world you see via CNN, pacifism works for the rest of the world - guns are not a life necessity. I cannot understand how giving a 4 year old a real gun and teaching her to shoot a rabbit is anywhere a step towards self-actualization. Maybe when your forefathers crossed the plains that was okay but there is a Super-Walmart in every American city - there is no reason for that kind of insanity.

3. Immigration - your country was founded on it - everyone other than the First Nations were immigrants - sorry but you were and by all respects illegal ones at that... So here's the deal - terrorists are smart enough to get into your country legally - the illegal ones are those who are looking to better their lives - adopt the hallowed American way... stop using them as glorified slaves - I know why your politicians are getting antsy - they see it - they see what they're doing and they know the next step - those immigrants will realize they're doing the bread and butter work you won't do and start wanting some rights - and there goes the country...

4. War should not be big business and your government should not be the morality police - note I did not say they shouldn't be the justice police - but here's the deal - sure I'm pro-life - but abortions have happened likely since the dawn of time and are safer when legalized - so I'm not stepping on that one - don't agree with it but that's not the point. Same sex marriage and all that - you know what - I don't care - my boss getting married did not bring on the apocalypse and if anything shouldn't you want the end times? Or would it get in the way of your current lifestyle? So I'm fine with it - considering I'm not sure I want to join up with the archaic institution, someone else is eager for it then go ahead.

5. Education - teach Evolution - for goodness sake and you can teach your early earth or whatever you believe at home - you still do parent right? I'm an old earth evolutionary creationist... who is more concerned that at the reading levels - and this whole banning books nonsense, and lack of American and World history that is taught. We do not live in igloos - haven't and never will - Canada is like Portland - scary I know - clean, with transit, Tim Hortons/Starbucks, over educated individuals - courtesy of our publicly supported universities and overall skinnier - yes we still believe McDonald's is a once a year treat not a food group and yes Universal Health care!

6. Jesus is not American - he does not believe in the American way of life or capitalism despite what James Dobson says - sorry to burst that bubble - so this whole WWJD stuff is so off in right field it's lunacy. Jesus hung out with the people relegated to the back row of your church or more accurately those who have never darkened the door - the raw vegan with dreads who sells me my lunch, the bipolar lady on crack who broke into my parents house, the swearing drunk hockey parents we used to have lunch with on Sundays - those are his peeps - what would Jesus do? That's a tough one - but being locked in a dark house on Halloween likely wouldn't be at the top of the list.

7. You fought for the separation of Church and State at one point in time - why don't you fight for it now? The gay rights thing being a perfect example - deal with it on your level - Church don't deal with it on State. And secondly might I remind you the word Church in this case is all religious institutions - I hear you crying foul when Muslims, Sikhs or Hindus work to alter the course of your country... again with the hypocrisy.

8. We've got better candy in Canada - plain and simple - Cadbury and all the wonderful stuff that comes from the country y'all decided you don't much like.

That about sums it up - one more thing - the Linkin Park in the previous post sums up my attitude on comments that I'm sure will continue to come my way....

I want to have a nap...

But because I'm waiting for my dad to pick up our stockpiled garbage on his way home, I have to stay awake. For those free of the 3 month lament that is living in Vancouver, there's a civic strike, therefore no garbage pickup. For the most part I send it home with Morgan after tutoring - I like the idea of prolonging her suffering, first it's Keq reactions, then it's the vegan's stinky garbage - which when you look at it, really isn't that stinky - it's grains, fruit and veggies - no rotting carcasses or anything like that. So to stay awake for at least next 15 minutes - I've got Shaun Groves (Damage Done - I too have the spiritual gift...) on again, yes again - since I can't listen to him while I'm at Starbucks (no Internet) I listen to him at home. At Starbucks I can shuffle through the IPod collection, focusing on FortMinor and Linkin Park as of late - the other stuff is too mellow, sappy, something - not that I really like the other stuff anyways, though Kelly Clarkson's new one - Don't Waste Your Time - that is making me considering purchasing her new CD.

Regardless the point is while I was attempting to protest the lack of readership/comments - I started blogging independent of my Internet connection, aka journaling, on the topic of Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamont, which I stole from Leaha. . .here's what occurred:

"It turned out that this man worked for the Dalai Lama. And he said – gently – that they believe when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born – and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born perfectly as possible." I read, it and then read it again – the chill reoccurred – I hopped out of bed, grabbed my housecoat and popped my head into Leaha’s room – I love this book, I love this book – my arms covered in goose bumps.

Anne is my Elihu, my Ananias. She says “I couldn’t understand why as usual God couldn’t give me a loud or obvious answer, through a megaphone or thunder, skywriting or stigmata. Why does God always use dreams, intuition, memory, phone calls, vague stirrings in my heart. I would say that this really doesn’t work for me at all. Except it does." A frustrated amen spurted out after reading that passage.

Our hearts and hands do not bear the same scars – I’ve never been an alcoholic, drug user or an atheist - that's not to say I won't, just don't plan on it right now. I have been assaulted, suicidal and lost amidst a snow globe-esque storm for at least the last year, with not only debris flying but the whole world shaking. There is something in the soul that has borne pain, brought it forth through a labour of sweats, sorrow and swearing that whispers through eyes or words – let’s sit here. Silence is not silence when there is someone in the room – a presence, your last line of defense – call it what you will. He has spoken through Shane, Anne and the infectious laughter of Leaha and even, yes even Jordan – the pain is worth the thunder. The labour pains have been steady as of late – nothing is coming, the dilation has ceased. If anything a part of me is concerned they’ve died down – has what I was to be died within me? Snuffed out by my raging with God, misdirected my energy from the birth to the belligerence? Crazy I know - bring on more pain and chaos - can't we jump start this process again, or has all this been some kind of spiritual Braxton Hicks. I started to think about that today – what could be being born, not that it would be much of a secret if I can see it happening. It is sure not a relationship, so what then? A career, in the loosest terms – is all this pain driving me towards a life concerned with solace, with silence, with compassion?

I’ve been looking a lot at the yoga program in Victoria – it looks amazing. I can see myself – in warrior and feeling the swelling of peace and power from my toes through my fingers – there is something in hearing the communal breathing of a group of people, focused on nothing else but wind – not on what they look like in downward dog, knowing that it’s just you – exhaustion is accepted, child’s pose a source of finite self forgiveness. Finite, not infinite, we live in a world of infinite personal forgiveness outside of practice, in practice you have to be aware, you can not deny the presence. In addition to the yoga practice I could go back east and become a yoga therapist - it's a Doctor of Naturopathic Medicine degree - just 25,000 and two years work - it however looks a little sketchy, I think I'd be better off spiritually if I channelled that money into Regent. I've been thinking more about Regent these days as I spend my time reading blogs from pastors in and out of the Emergent church and reading - Claiborne, Miller and now Lamont.

And yes like I mentioned to Joel a long, long time ago, I do plan on having some kind of step by step yoga posting - once I regain some of the lost flexibility I'll start with the basics - most likely with the lighting - I'll have to do it next summer - when I can do it outside - get Leaha or someone to take the pictures.

Procrastination

So I know I'm still mastering the art of procrasination - making it a break time as much as it is still a learning time - I know warping the guidelines of the act but whatever. I've been listening the latest Shaun Groves CD which he has on his website, and came across the YouTube account of Eric Volz. I've seen the MySpace blurbs and etc but never stopped to long enough to pay attention/listen to it. Helplessness is a feeling I'm getting use to and I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. I felt this way about a year ago when Russia closed its doors to outside adoption despite over 700,000 children in state run orphanages, destined for death on the streets. I know that this situation is a very real possibility around the world today - Leaha and I witnessed judicial injustice our last time in Russia, she's witnessed it in more cases here even in Canada. Maybe Leaha is right, maybe Shane is right - with the more I read and see the more I feel we are being challenged, not just called, to something beyond the 9-5. Maybe that's why Leaha and I are both feeling this sense of ADD when it comes to everything but this propulsion towards social justice.



As an aside - someone want to give me a hug more specifically hold me while I for the millionth time in the last 12 months cry my brains out ? I got the call about the job I had been really hoping for - no go, since I don't drive and don't have a car - for various personal and environmental/philosophical reasons beyond just the fact that I'm a poor student living in a city with a good transit system. For the love, seriously, I am at the point where I'm no longer mad at God and I know that's not a good place to be, we went through the mad stage in Feb/Mar when I lost the Copeman Health job I'd been recruited for because of their financial issues - apathy is where we're at between the two of us - a feeling of sure what the hell, want to throw a few more pieces of holy garbage or whatever you've been throwing at me - keep the dirty going, rather than having me under the assumption, that I'm back on track, cleaned up and raring to go on this wonderful journey of life. My wonderful mom, love her now and frustrated with her at other times has promised me rent for November since I am working a grand total of 10 days this month. I haven't paid tuition, I'm not eligible for a student loan nor is my brother - poor guy is worse off than I am, both of us have had to go to the banks to fund our education - and the banks know where to draw the limit - thus no more $ for either of us. Shitty really - but whatever. So no job, fourth rejection this month, all of which follow the phrase we'd really love to have you work for us, you seem like a great person/candidate but... but what? I'm over or under qualified? Seriously, it's just a BA. What? Don't like the red hair? The smile? I'd keep writing but I can't - happens in times like this, I guess that's what happens when you beat your head against every wall imaginable.