Procrastination

So I know I'm still mastering the art of procrasination - making it a break time as much as it is still a learning time - I know warping the guidelines of the act but whatever. I've been listening the latest Shaun Groves CD which he has on his website, and came across the YouTube account of Eric Volz. I've seen the MySpace blurbs and etc but never stopped to long enough to pay attention/listen to it. Helplessness is a feeling I'm getting use to and I don't like it, I don't like it one bit. I felt this way about a year ago when Russia closed its doors to outside adoption despite over 700,000 children in state run orphanages, destined for death on the streets. I know that this situation is a very real possibility around the world today - Leaha and I witnessed judicial injustice our last time in Russia, she's witnessed it in more cases here even in Canada. Maybe Leaha is right, maybe Shane is right - with the more I read and see the more I feel we are being challenged, not just called, to something beyond the 9-5. Maybe that's why Leaha and I are both feeling this sense of ADD when it comes to everything but this propulsion towards social justice.



As an aside - someone want to give me a hug more specifically hold me while I for the millionth time in the last 12 months cry my brains out ? I got the call about the job I had been really hoping for - no go, since I don't drive and don't have a car - for various personal and environmental/philosophical reasons beyond just the fact that I'm a poor student living in a city with a good transit system. For the love, seriously, I am at the point where I'm no longer mad at God and I know that's not a good place to be, we went through the mad stage in Feb/Mar when I lost the Copeman Health job I'd been recruited for because of their financial issues - apathy is where we're at between the two of us - a feeling of sure what the hell, want to throw a few more pieces of holy garbage or whatever you've been throwing at me - keep the dirty going, rather than having me under the assumption, that I'm back on track, cleaned up and raring to go on this wonderful journey of life. My wonderful mom, love her now and frustrated with her at other times has promised me rent for November since I am working a grand total of 10 days this month. I haven't paid tuition, I'm not eligible for a student loan nor is my brother - poor guy is worse off than I am, both of us have had to go to the banks to fund our education - and the banks know where to draw the limit - thus no more $ for either of us. Shitty really - but whatever. So no job, fourth rejection this month, all of which follow the phrase we'd really love to have you work for us, you seem like a great person/candidate but... but what? I'm over or under qualified? Seriously, it's just a BA. What? Don't like the red hair? The smile? I'd keep writing but I can't - happens in times like this, I guess that's what happens when you beat your head against every wall imaginable.