Jocelyn and I often have coffee after Tenth - and last week we were talking about the fall-out from Three. One thing Jocelyn said has been rolling around in my brain, or more so colliding like an out of control pin-ball is, "I want to have an intellectual crush on a guy...." It's funny, we function/interact with a society that wants to have a physical crush on someone - a lust based attraction to a girl's "rack" or a guy's six pack - or anything else that the person can provide - a commercialization of a person, which is ultimately what lust is, the concern for personal gratification/need above another's need. It's funny she said this in regards to Three because the issue of lust itself has also been pin-balling around my brain as well, looking back I see lust and the overall focus of self in him - in the way I was treated and more so in the way it ended - when the fantasy of who I was going to be - of how I was going to make his life whatever he desired crashed with the realization that I was not that person or had no desire to be that person his response was one counter to what I would consider normal and rather much like Amnon - I was the guilty party - I was the one to be vilified - I was the one who failed in the fulfilling the fantasy. It's made me conscious of this issue to the point where I would have to agree with Jocelyn but in reverse - I would like someone to have an intellectual crush on me - to see the brain first and foremost, but ya I can't say I don't agree with Jocelyn - I guess that's one thing that does make me a little odd, I'm looking for a smart boy - does such a thing exist? I jest, not worries, there are plenty of you out there I know this already - like Donald Miller...
Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crush. Show all posts
Monday, April 7, 2008
Oh, Donald...
Jocelyn and I often have coffee after Tenth - and last week we were talking about the fall-out from Three. One thing Jocelyn said has been rolling around in my brain, or more so colliding like an out of control pin-ball is, "I want to have an intellectual crush on a guy...." It's funny, we function/interact with a society that wants to have a physical crush on someone - a lust based attraction to a girl's "rack" or a guy's six pack - or anything else that the person can provide - a commercialization of a person, which is ultimately what lust is, the concern for personal gratification/need above another's need. It's funny she said this in regards to Three because the issue of lust itself has also been pin-balling around my brain as well, looking back I see lust and the overall focus of self in him - in the way I was treated and more so in the way it ended - when the fantasy of who I was going to be - of how I was going to make his life whatever he desired crashed with the realization that I was not that person or had no desire to be that person his response was one counter to what I would consider normal and rather much like Amnon - I was the guilty party - I was the one to be vilified - I was the one who failed in the fulfilling the fantasy. It's made me conscious of this issue to the point where I would have to agree with Jocelyn but in reverse - I would like someone to have an intellectual crush on me - to see the brain first and foremost, but ya I can't say I don't agree with Jocelyn - I guess that's one thing that does make me a little odd, I'm looking for a smart boy - does such a thing exist? I jest, not worries, there are plenty of you out there I know this already - like Donald Miller...
Friday, February 1, 2008
Bittersweet Blush
Leaha called and left me an urgent message on my voicemail - I returned it expecting to hear about Tim or even McSmiley - though I haven't heard anything of him as of late... no instead I heard something that has restored my faith in me - in the belief that it will be one of these days in a Starbucks that my life will change...K* our barista boy - the one we placed an I SAW YOU in the Georgia Straight, and have for the last 6 months flirted on and off with - and for the last 3 have not ordered my favorite drink for the fear that I would be found out and never able to enter that Starbucks again. We've talked about school (he just finished a degree in English/Humanities), life and the fact that my tea was never in. Well it's funny how things always come together at the end. Leaha told me a little while back that K* was leaving for a store on Robson (there are 4 the last time I checked) to be a manager - I was sad. But not as sad as I was when Leaha called. K* was working this morning, and so the story goes - K put the whole vegan roommate to Leaha thing together and tells her I'm really cute. Well gosh darn it - Mr. Strict Vegetarian with gorgeous man hair, piercings and an awesome repertoire of literary knowledge thinks I'm really cute. *Blush* Now I'm not one to freely accept compliments for various reasons, one it leads to a revolving cycle of seeking approval but you know what I'll make an exception - I needed that - a little girlie boost to the end of my first full week - dealing with geriatric patients and all the fun of commuting in the snow.
Who knows maybe I'll go in there tomorrow and order my Grande soy vanilla Americano Misto just for the heck of it...?
Photo: http://flickr.com/photos/miskan/18742153/
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