Oh, Donald...

Jocelyn and I often have coffee after Tenth - and last week we were talking about the fall-out from Three. One thing Jocelyn said has been rolling around in my brain, or more so colliding like an out of control pin-ball is, "I want to have an intellectual crush on a guy...." It's funny, we function/interact with a society that wants to have a physical crush on someone - a lust based attraction to a girl's "rack" or a guy's six pack - or anything else that the person can provide - a commercialization of a person, which is ultimately what lust is, the concern for personal gratification/need above another's need. It's funny she said this in regards to Three because the issue of lust itself has also been pin-balling around my brain as well, looking back I see lust and the overall focus of self in him - in the way I was treated and more so in the way it ended - when the fantasy of who I was going to be - of how I was going to make his life whatever he desired crashed with the realization that I was not that person or had no desire to be that person his response was one counter to what I would consider normal and rather much like Amnon - I was the guilty party - I was the one to be vilified - I was the one who failed in the fulfilling the fantasy. It's made me conscious of this issue to the point where I would have to agree with Jocelyn but in reverse - I would like someone to have an intellectual crush on me - to see the brain first and foremost, but ya I can't say I don't agree with Jocelyn - I guess that's one thing that does make me a little odd, I'm looking for a smart boy - does such a thing exist? I jest, not worries, there are plenty of you out there I know this already - like Donald Miller...

Okay I should be in bed - not feeling well...

But this is what happens when you have no TV and an awesome roommate... we're talking and listening to clips of Campolo and Miller on YouTube - Miller makes me laugh - like face hurt laugh - that's a good thing for any boy to do...

To repost part of the blog removed from before:
I made a comment about two weeks ago now along the lines of if Donald Miller was still single I would so be first in line. Leaha gave me this quizzical look and said “You haven’t seen what he looks like have you?” No at that point in time I hadn’t – but seriously who cares – he’s an amazing writer, he can do public speaking and he lives in Portland (vegan mecca)– I’m willing to give up getting the whole guitar thing – and I’ll just secretly ogle Isaac Slade of the Fray or something like that. Leaha left it at that – rightfully so. Then I Googled him while she was in Florida – why not? Bad idea for two reasons – one now I have a mental image of him while reading, and two he’s handsome – note I did not say hot or what have you. But here’s the deal I’m not looking for hot, studdly or any of those weird adjectives we use – why? Well lets see – I know that dating me is going to suck big time – got a whole lot of hurdles to hop – so if he’s hot he knows he can go somewhere else – and now not only have I implied low self esteem but I’ve also implied that the men I’ve dated or been interested in have not been attractive - negative on both those accounts. I guess it’s more the issue of mindset – if you’re attractive in the socially determined way, you’ve been told since the dawn of time and yadda yadda I’m not devoting my blog to this – moving on, back to Don. So Leaha and I were talking on MSN (while she was in Florida – not while she was in the other room – Cheryl) and between trying to deal with Shawn’s comments I brought up that I had Googled Don – and oh my the conversation that ensued – I should have saved and posted it to maintain the full disclosure policy but I’m sure it would cause mass hysteria (yes this is a word I hate to use for all you holding me accountable on the feminist thing) or something like that – simply put because Leaha and I are so brutally poor we can’t go and see him when he’s in town in two weeks but we maybe stalking him…to have coffee with Donald Miller would make me burst I’m sure….

And before I hear a comment about his age – he’s younger than Andrew who might I add turned 40 May 1, and well funny thing – they kind of look the same. Except one’s an egotistical general surgeon living with one of my former best friends and the other – the other resuscitates that part of my heart that dies every time I have to use the word Christian to define myself.

On a separate note can you guys have a look through the blogs and recommend your favorites for me to submit to Geez Magazine