The World vs. The Outside

I've been slowly progressing through Dorothy Day's biography, I'm determined to survive the dryness for the sake of the tidbits she poses. The issue as of late - as I sort through all my stuff and seriously contemplate the future direction of my life - how simply can I live? Simple living in all it's aspects - the food I eat - where it's from etc to what I buy - in that do I really need it? Will those new jeans really land me a pick up line let alone a date - and really is life based on that? I know I don't want to raise children in western society - I remember feeling scorned on non-uniform days or at social events - I worked for everything I had, or needed starting with my first job. I didn't have money to spend it on frivolous expenses like Gucci bags or MuiMui dresses, and I sure didn't get a new car on my 16th birthday or an all expenses trip to the Hilton in Maui for my graduation. I know that's the expectation of any private school kid. So I don't send my kids to private school - only public - considering my experiences with that too I'm apprehensive. But that's far beyond the scope of the here and now. Adulthood is still very much the same - acquisition of stuff - your ring, the wedding, the house and yes even the two kids and the dog or cat. How do you define the lines - where is acceptable and extravagant?

So why other than Dorothy have I been thinking like this? Well a myriad of factors one undercutting it all is the hype over the 10 year anniversary of Diana's death. In case some of you have forgotten another woman died that year, Mother Teresa. There was a distinct binary then and even more so now - one woman worshiped by the world, and another scorned because she chose to worship that which cannot be converted into commercial success. She devoted her life to offering hope to orphans and a peaceful exit to those who had labored.

There is this quote from The Irresistible Revolution that really struck me for two reasons - one I watched my great aunt die a very painful, though thankfully that part was only about two weeks from non-smoker's lung cancer - where she labored to breathe, in the end suffocating and two because of the Gerontology course I took on Death and Dying and the truths revealed.

"Those dying people were some of the most vibrant people I had ever met. There is a morgue in the home for the dying. As you walk into it, a sign on the wall reads, "I'm on my way to heaven." And when you turn around to walk out, another says, "Thanks for helping me get there." (Claiborne 79)

In the end I truly can do so much more with so little, but I can't see it through the Starbucks, Ikea catalogues and everything else. Wonder what it will all look like when I can leave it behind.

Flickr photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/58565630@N00/

Is this my future?

As I noted on Vegan in Vancouver our family went out for Indian last night. Surprisingly it wasn't the food that was causing problems, it was the reappearance of my mother's indecisiveness to the point of reckless behavior. My aunt, the one I've blogged about before, has found this quaint little cottage just off the beach in White Rock, for surprisingly affordable rent, and supposedly there is another one. So now my mom believes this is the place for her and my father - sans children. And poof, I'm out of the nest in her plan and I'm wondering, when exactly were you planning on telling me? Yes it wasn't my plan to get a second degree, stay around or even be single for the extended future - but it is what it is, and I'm in really no position to be moving for the next year. If I did manage to get myself out of debt to some degree I wanted to pack up and tour India for at least a month, maybe two. Thanks to Shane Claiborne's book, I feel drawn towards working somewhere where I am completely useless but altogether useful just because I want to serve. Like at Mother Teresa's Home for the Dying, or one of the orphanages. (If you too are interested, please let me know - I'm looking for a travel companion)

A part of me wonders if I do need to move out because of the extensive undesired input that my parents still have on my life. As a result any behavior I feel is necessary to loose their chains, is seen as purely rebellion and not the genuine, thoughtful decision of a 25 year old adult. The main issue is that they still have this vision of who I should be and any deviation from that plan is an issue. Honestly, we've been fighting over the course for my life for years, partially due to my own personal battle with being an MD. In the end though, it is as I noted before and to Cheryl, I know the end I just don't know the middle. Nor do I really think that any of us do, I mean they are called dreams/goals for a reason right? I have these pieces - I love to cook, serve, write, be with people - care for people. I really enjoyed my "Death and Dying" class, and am interested in end of life care, also in health/healthy living and of course to a degree then veganism which ties around to environmentalism and responsible usage... but what do you do with that, when the overall desired is service - missionary work... In previous decades I would have hitched myself to a pastor or missionary worked and hoped for the best - but now? I don't see it as a legitimate option.

So questions to ponder - do I move, do I return to school, do I travel, or remain still...



Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/jekob/

Medicine, Motherhood and Mother Teresa

There is something about the summer heat that gets me thinking – maybe it’s the long warm nights that start a fermentation process – or the break from everything that brings things together. Or just that life changes this time of year.

It all started Wednesday when I read an editorial from a third year medical student – she’s was packing it up – that was it, no more, her family had to take priority. I saw it as it would be for me – choices have to be made. We have a medical school system that has decided that it would rather choose individuals driven to the point of self destruction than pick individuals who are “well rounded,” the normal people. Now maybe they know something I don’t, like that people don’t actually want normal people to be their doctors. Maybe they don’t want someone who knows failure, sadness, depression, family issues, ailing parents, end of life needs, children (3 of the doctors in our clinic don’t know how to hold a baby properly…) etc. We have a system that rewards men and barren women – barren of soul and child. A child is not the determination of a woman, but it should be allowed. And yet here it was in today’s paper an editorial comment from a man whom I believe should be severely chastised by his peers – a scathing comment that women who want to be doctors must chose – be a doctor or be a mother, you can’t be both. Since when were they mutually exclusive? We don’t tell our male doctors – be a father or a doctor – are they not also to be involved in child rearing? If it is the case that the Canadian medical system hailed by the world, and Michael Moore (Sicko) believes that females have no place if they intend to have children then what kind of system do we have? We have a chauvinistic system, rife with machismo filth. I for one and am now glad I’ve decided to avoid that – lest I meet one these male doctors in person and give him a piece of my mind.

On to a just as cheerful note, I’ve noticed we’ve forgotten another important anniversary. Yes it is the anniversary of Princess Diana’s death; it is also the anniversary of a more influential individual – Mother Teresa. My father noted that she would be happy the world has forgotten about her – then her service can continue with out the pollution of the media. I however wonder, in the wake of Live Aid and the Princess Diana fundraiser – we have shown again that aid only occurs when it makes good TV. A fundraiser to help individuals die with dignity isn’t cheerful and fluffy, and talk of leprosy isn’t what we crave. We would rather talk about Nicole Ritchie’s “pregnancy.” We just don’t get it do we?

Well I’m not going to say I do, but I think I’m beginning to get me. Like I said to Cheryl this week - I see a destination in the distance – I just don’t know how the hell to get there… I see it clearer everyday that I have been given life to give it to others – so much so that marriage and my biological children are not necessary. My family refuses to believe so – but in the end I don’t think they really factor into those two decisions now do they?