Run, A little Run, for Me

Or for you. I am somewhat giddy about the possibility of finally running a half marathon, but more importantly a full one. I opened up this months addition of Runner's World and they have the full year's listed of all the races in the world. Yes the world, I was thinking of running something in Europe because then I could really justify a week abroad, something in Germany would be nice because I'd have someone to stay with, but who knows there is Greece and Italy and on and on. It's a life long plethora of races that could/should be run.

Right now I'm looking at adding the Royal Victoria and one of the Seattle's to mix, in theory a 13.1 miler if I am training for a full is going to be an average distance and they could be used to help me gain confidence and race experience.

But really I can't imagine you want to know about all the details - it's a little stressful at the same time, given all I have to purchase again. See the last time I routinely hit the road I was two dress sizes bigger - to be honest I can't really remember those days of that size. I know that most people haven't noticed, it's been a long and slow process. I have regularly attended a gym for going on 4 years this February (Started Feb 05). I would like to drop another size, but really have no expectations of doing so or seeing really dramatic physical changes - my mother's body at it's smallest was an 8, granted that was a size 8 20 some odd years ago and now that's a 10, and since I'm an 8 now, I'm a 10 then... anyways I'm like her physical clone, so I don't imagine I'll be running the Miami Marathon (possibly that location) next year with a whole new body, I'd be happy with no jelly on my belly or even less that I could eat ice cream again and not care.

On this weird tangent, did you know that for every mile you complete you burn a minimum of 100 calories? So whether you walk or run, you're doing yourself good. Log 35 miles in a week and you've in effect burned of 1lb of fat, now granted given this season you've maybe just staved off the Christmas 10.

So that all is the "fun side" of the lifestyle - summed up I will be purchasing the following in the near future:

1 plantar fasciitis sock, to replace my old one the last time I started to train for a marathon and ended up doing 8 months of rehab, but that also had to do with my wearing heels - I guess I've got to quit those too again... darn.

1 watch - preferably with a Heart Rate monitor - I was looking at the Nike Triax Elite - to also help me time the distances etc.

2 pairs of New Balance shoes - one to replace my gym pair - now a year old - though in pristine condition they've easily logged 500 miles this past year (average week was 15-25 miles), and a pair for outside.

1 pair of running tights - I have a pair that should still be okay, a little loose but okay - and those ones are fleece lined for our winters.

2 running tops - I would use my Lululemon ones but the fabric retains the moisture different then the running fabrics.

1 warm layers - I had this wonderful fleece lined layer with the hand warmer part and it was stolen from the gym while I was doing my weights.

1 running toque - cotton or wool just ends up being sweaty and bulky - or unkind when you try and shove a stubby ponytail under it.

2 pairs of cheap gloves - you know the 2 dollar one size fits all kinds we have millions of lost partner ones of but don't have the heart to throw away

3 pairs of running socks - mine a getting a little sketchy.

Since I'll still be logging the majority of my miles on a treadmill for the next month or so, I will slowly acquire the above - or hope that there are some really good sales given the economy as of late... Even on that note, I will take donations...

Take Care all - I'm off to do the dishes wrap the last of the gifts and have a nap - it's Sunday after all - it's a sacred nap day. But before I depart another song you can add to the running list you may have:

Peace, Balance and Chickpea Curry

I can't say I've had a good night's sleep in over a week, or that I haven't had busy days and chaos, and that this week won't be hard on my weak voice - yes the laryngitis has yet to leave me. Out of all this my mom said something on the ride from their place to mine tonight - "You need a husband who loves with a sacrificial love, a love like Christ's, not selfish and self serving." Now my mom knows little to nothing of Three or any of our conversations, but apparently in all her praying He told her something I was unable to see until that moment this evening. While I was continually made to feel emotionally inadequate it was quite the opposite.

I was reading an article in an old Yoga Journal tonight that reiterated what my mom had said. "At first they appear magical, later you realize they have their wounded places and needs and unfinished business they're hoping you'll complete for them." Wow, now that's accurate. So despite the gratuitous post about K, and yes he will as he has always cause the same symptoms for me, I know it's my season to find peace and balance in Him - when the time comes to alter the dynamics, it will work and my life won't seem flooded by chaos and a cacophony of discord, sound and friction.

So I'm off to enjoy my sleep, with a tummy full of partially digested chickpea curry from VWAV and I know that regardless of tomorrow - His mercies are new and He's doing something with this life - looking forward to the glimpses of it - as I know the whole plan I will only see when this life is over.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/9722894@N06/726885563/

I realized something on the way home today...

I will always be unfaithful. Lost you already? Three for whatever reason has found it difficult to accept that I have intellectual friendships with other guys - E, Jordan (to an extent), Seth, and Shawn and sure you could even add Joel to that mix, and we aren't even committed formally to each other. So aside from the glaring issue - the general issue is, if I do go to seminary it will be formally build on a writing/intellectual career - and those in the arts, especially English know that it is a collaborative work - that you have editors (Joel), you have your writer's block person - that was Steve, you have your core group of "venters" with a common intellectual background - English, Gerontology or Politics depending on the group of people - so I will always be around other men. There is nothing relational beyond someone to talk to - and my future spouse regardless of intellect is never going to be all these people to me - it's not possible, nor is it sane - I need someone I can argue with freely and not have to worry about waking up next to them - Shawn and I can and do routinely fight it out - to the point of not talking for periods of time due to our passionate stances. So here I am trying to work something out that I'm hopeful about and at the same time conscious that maybe there are issues that I will never be able to work out or able to rationalize even working out.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/purplefuzzymittens/1821520516/

Hoping the Drugs Don't Interfere with this posting...

Being on the border of sleep, NyQuil haze and awake, I find reading a difficult task. I often loose my place, re-reading chapter after chapter and none of it ever sinking in, so I turned to my laptop - more specifically film. I ended up watching the Nanny Diaries, and while I was hoping for fluff along the lines of Pretty in Pink, something to make my sore face hurt more from smiling kind of film, I found something more interesting. Something I think that can be said as illustrative of the kind of journey I've been on. While I haven't been raising children or dealing with the kind of bizarre insanity depicted I have been dealing with my own parallel universe - medical clinics. Month after crazy month I hear the same refrain - Why don't you just quit? Well maybe I haven't found myself yet, or more so I think working in the clinic has been the continual dagger in the heart of my medical dream - daily serving to illustrate the soul sucking power of the medical field - that in the last 6 years of my employment has served to turn my boss from friendly and supportive to a man I to a degree fear - he's unpredictable, moody, money centered and all together apathetic about his office. There is a part of me that hopes the pregnancy of another staff member will be the slap in the face he needs to realize his office is going to hell in a hand-basket and I'll be the first in line to give it a push if needed - but then again I think he's been doing a good job at that already - so maybe I'll just step back and watch the show. Regardless, I feel confident about the minor program and the Poli Sci minor - as I've stumbled along the way in recent years I found it serves to reorient the focus rather than create determination, maybe this is wrong, but it seems to be the case thus far - you'll be the first to know if I'm wrong in this assertion. Regardless I think I'm going to make life a little more deliberate if that's possible - other than deliberately trying to get out of debt - traveling would be nice and this degree? Well I'm sure it will be done sooner or later.

Lastly two songs for your enjoyment - one related to the job and the other from the movie... two songs to be added to the soundtrack of my life...

Okay, so now what?

I made a promise, I can't keep but which I must - this blogging has to avoid certain topics - but I will push it just a little, if I may. Almost Dr. Sara and I had a little catch up session on MSN today. We've decided to skip the reunion if we both happen to be single - which in 3 years is very likely - since she turned down my suggestion that we go as each other's moral support as we venture into the land of babies, white picket fences and vanilla everything. After our conversation I'm thinking once this degree is done and the debt is debited - it's time to do something - India? Home for the Dying seems to be calling for me... Maybe once I'm 30 (good gracious - 30... k, not thinking about that) then I'll considering going State side for the Masters degree. The whole have a job, make money thing has never been a real priority beyond basic survival - like work for rent and tuition kind. So I guess what I'm trying to get at in a round about way since my blogging has been curtailed as of late - is I've come full circle on this whole dating/marriage thing. For those of you who have been following along, I declared that I had no intention of being married - for various reasons: my parents own shitty marriage/separation (whatever it is right now), my bizarre nature - vegan, feminist yadda yadda which makes me completely unpalatable for any Christ loving boy, and because of Christ I'm unsuitable for those whom I have compatibility with in other areas. But the sad thing about it while Petra and all the other popular PA girls shun me for every reason they have, high school was then, this is now and I'm not doing it - I'm not prepared to walk around feeling unwanted or unloved or unattractive or unworthy because the last boy (no not man, he still hasn't matured to that title) was in August 2002 - yes, 5 whole years ago, and we are on to the 6th year, that the last man who's head I turned was a man in Whalley driving his dirty pick-up. At the end of the day I still remember the feeling when I couldn't look at myself knowing I was wrong in who I had picked - list or no list, all aspects but one - that one is the non-negotiable, because first and foremost I know who my Beloved is and it isn't defined by a ring.

Just an aside, Leaha and I have found this amazing song.

My Jesus

Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Or do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Or do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand

Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
Who is this that you follow?
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet

Pretty blue eyes and curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him

Cause my Jesus bled and died
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?

Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reaches for the hurting and despises the proud
and I think He’d prefer Beale St. to the stained glass crowd
And I know that He can hear me if I cry it out loud
I want to be like my Jesus (x4)

Not a posterchild for American prosperity, but like my Jesus
You see I’m tired of living for success and popularity
I want to be like my Jesus but I’m not sure what that means to be like You Jesus
Cause You said to live like You, love like You but then You died for me
Can I be like You Jesus?
I want to be like you Jesus

Is this my future?

As I noted on Vegan in Vancouver our family went out for Indian last night. Surprisingly it wasn't the food that was causing problems, it was the reappearance of my mother's indecisiveness to the point of reckless behavior. My aunt, the one I've blogged about before, has found this quaint little cottage just off the beach in White Rock, for surprisingly affordable rent, and supposedly there is another one. So now my mom believes this is the place for her and my father - sans children. And poof, I'm out of the nest in her plan and I'm wondering, when exactly were you planning on telling me? Yes it wasn't my plan to get a second degree, stay around or even be single for the extended future - but it is what it is, and I'm in really no position to be moving for the next year. If I did manage to get myself out of debt to some degree I wanted to pack up and tour India for at least a month, maybe two. Thanks to Shane Claiborne's book, I feel drawn towards working somewhere where I am completely useless but altogether useful just because I want to serve. Like at Mother Teresa's Home for the Dying, or one of the orphanages. (If you too are interested, please let me know - I'm looking for a travel companion)

A part of me wonders if I do need to move out because of the extensive undesired input that my parents still have on my life. As a result any behavior I feel is necessary to loose their chains, is seen as purely rebellion and not the genuine, thoughtful decision of a 25 year old adult. The main issue is that they still have this vision of who I should be and any deviation from that plan is an issue. Honestly, we've been fighting over the course for my life for years, partially due to my own personal battle with being an MD. In the end though, it is as I noted before and to Cheryl, I know the end I just don't know the middle. Nor do I really think that any of us do, I mean they are called dreams/goals for a reason right? I have these pieces - I love to cook, serve, write, be with people - care for people. I really enjoyed my "Death and Dying" class, and am interested in end of life care, also in health/healthy living and of course to a degree then veganism which ties around to environmentalism and responsible usage... but what do you do with that, when the overall desired is service - missionary work... In previous decades I would have hitched myself to a pastor or missionary worked and hoped for the best - but now? I don't see it as a legitimate option.

So questions to ponder - do I move, do I return to school, do I travel, or remain still...



Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/jekob/