I've always been a cautious person, maybe too cautious. I have regrets, and yet I know that if I had jumped in those instances I would also have regrets. Guilt pangs due to diversion from the plan. The plan: the dream, the all encompassing, self determining preoccupation of my entire existence. Guilt or no guilt, the ball is now rolling, that is not to say I'm not trying to stop it...
Change seems to be enveloping me. On my walk into work today I noticed that with the two days of sun we've had the leaves are all out in their beautiful chartreuse green glory, and the newest of the Yaletown condo has broken the ground level stage - actually that must have happened a few weeks ago but with all the rain it was not something I noticed. While the world is changing, spinning madly on, and that is inevitable... there are other acts which are defining this new direction. I said good-bye to my kids on Saturday night, tried to make it fun and light. It was not for me though - like I said to Ryan, you smile and joke because you do not know how to convey to them how important they are without getting all mushy.
Getting mushy, it's something I do not want to consider, this whole journey is something I do not honestly want to consider. Do not get me wrong, a break would be nice, but this is not a backpacking across Europe kind of break. This break is more in line with a forced time-out, a cosmic "go-sit-in-the-corner-and-think-about-what-you've-done." As a result I'm going to be spending a lot of this time looking at the ugliness and reality of choices, the ones I've made and the ones I have to make.
On the note of choices, changes and challenges (I needed another c word to further the alliteration) - I've said it before I will have no contact with the world, minus my sojourns to Starbucks... but fear not I have mail - to get my address leave a comment or email me. And again please visit, I don't really want to spend my summer talking to my beans and squash...
Change seems to be enveloping me. On my walk into work today I noticed that with the two days of sun we've had the leaves are all out in their beautiful chartreuse green glory, and the newest of the Yaletown condo has broken the ground level stage - actually that must have happened a few weeks ago but with all the rain it was not something I noticed. While the world is changing, spinning madly on, and that is inevitable... there are other acts which are defining this new direction. I said good-bye to my kids on Saturday night, tried to make it fun and light. It was not for me though - like I said to Ryan, you smile and joke because you do not know how to convey to them how important they are without getting all mushy.
Getting mushy, it's something I do not want to consider, this whole journey is something I do not honestly want to consider. Do not get me wrong, a break would be nice, but this is not a backpacking across Europe kind of break. This break is more in line with a forced time-out, a cosmic "go-sit-in-the-corner-and-think-about-what-you've-done." As a result I'm going to be spending a lot of this time looking at the ugliness and reality of choices, the ones I've made and the ones I have to make.
On the note of choices, changes and challenges (I needed another c word to further the alliteration) - I've said it before I will have no contact with the world, minus my sojourns to Starbucks... but fear not I have mail - to get my address leave a comment or email me. And again please visit, I don't really want to spend my summer talking to my beans and squash...
1 comment:
i'm going to be sending you some SERIOUS amounts of mail. i love tangible things. i'm sad at the decline of snail mail.
i was going to go back to vancouver this weekend but wasn't able to.......
can i pretty pretty please borrow your MSweddings?
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