Thoughts on the singleness thing...

I'm in the process of reading the "Irresistible Revolution," (amazing) and it makes sense to the point where I feel like handing a copy to each person I meet, and saying "This here, this book, his words, this is my life, my passion, I want to live like this..." Sherron couldn't understand the PA thing because it isn't recognized in Canada. The degree thing, school, isn't about a degree anymore and it was never about social networking, partying or getting my M.R.S., it was about everything that cannot be understood. I want to give it all. Morgan says I'm being selfish by not loving someone in the husband and wife kind of way, that I'm all about keeping the love for myself and some of it is about not getting hurt too. And the last one sure I guess that has merit, but the reason I don't want to/see the need to get married is that it is a selfish act if all it boils down to is I get to have sex without guilt, and that isn't even a guarantee. Marriage isn't about that, sure it's the bonus that gets pushed front and center in Christian relationships, but it's a commitment to another person, and to an extent a submission to another will and life, and it isn't a framework that you can willynilly leave and come back to whenever you feel a calling. I cannot just pack up and tell my husband I'm needed in ____, be back in 6months, the meals are in the freezer, watch after the kids, pay the bills and oh ya, do not feel lonely or abandoned. It doesn't work that way. Sure I guess if I found someone called to the same goal then that's fine and it's not to say there isn't a part of me that goes, that would be nice to have someone, but at the same time I cannot do it - just like I've formed a mental block between me and meat, so have I between me and men. And maybe Morgan has a point with the whole someone needs to make money thing - but at the end of the day I do not believe I would be worse off not having my custom made vegan shoes from London, but I do believe I will be if I let my gifts be confined in a marriage and my attention diverted from the groans of need, suffering and pain of this earth.