Sunday, September 2, 2007

Readers

Oh dear readers - be you few and far between - understand something please, I want you to read. Blogging is a weird construct - in that the majority of these posts would never have become public consumption if I had years ago, when there was no Internet being forced to limit them to my inner thoughts or journals. I've always written, always found a profound satisfaction in being able to empty a portion of my brain's contents out on a surface. Some claim that is it is narcissistic, or an attempt for attention - a look at me, see what I want you to see - because it's just SO important. I've preferred to look at it as a facilitator or a medium by which I can express the whole of who I am. Actors use their persona's to reflect the facets of their personalities, legitimate writers use either characters to work out, work through or act out events that have some degree of importance, musicians and singers - have lyrics, notes, cadence and amplitude. Through writing I'm able to pose questions I want answered or not, vent, rave and the verbs could go on forever. In the end though as much as certain posts seem like I'm stepping out of a discourse, the fundamental purpose is I want to be able to discuss. Even in a very loose sense challenge you - pose an idea that you haven't considered and vice versa, challenge me.

In then end maybe there is an ulterior motive - if I could find away to articulate myself into a more productive literary form I would love to spend a decided portion of my life writing - article, short stories/essays etc or even a cookbook. Not a novel though, I don't have enough patience. Maybe if it was short, and I could in some sort of pastiche create a work like Daphne Marlett's Ana Historic - this fusion of present, past and lyric - to have a story with song, poetry and textural time would be amazing - like a novel version of a classic film with the soundtrack included. But that's not going to happen anytime soon - a life of luxury is what that would require - being able to write, create and be continually present through all my actions - to be a Mrs. Dalloway - without the lesbian or suicidal tendencies... granted there wouldn't be much left of her though.

As per usual I have no idea what the future holds for me in any respect, at this very moment I'm in a mostly packed room wondering why my life is as it is right now - the friends I've made and kept over the years, the jobs I've kept and don't want, will this year look like the last few - and if so can I do it over again - there has to be more to this life then holding onto joy - what about a little happiness - be it short term and artificial - I still wouldn't mind it.

So in the end read on, comment etc and hope that maybe one day I can be a blog of note....

3 comments:

stitchpixie said...

did you do any creative writing classes in university? free thought was very unsupported at UBC, i think we had some sort of creative writing course worth zero credits (how is that possible?) and it was competitive to get into.

free thought is okay throughout the university english courses, in so much as you are giving your opinion on some bronte subject matter, an opinion very likely shared with 2000 some students that took the class before you. what possible new insights could any one student give? unfortunately, english seemed more about analyzing literature (to prepare you to be an english teacher, to make your students examine the very same texts?) than developing any writing talent.

Jenn said...

yes, very true - an English degree while it is mostly analytical, does have an element of free thought. While it is clear that nothing is new - literature itself is a repeating of themes/stylistic formatics - the bildungsroman is one of the most frequently used. I found that SFU was willing to accept you pushing the boundaries in certain cases - my chaucer course it worked - although I was told I sat on the cusp of an A or an F - ack - got the A though. It's tough, my first year TA said they will take any arguement as long as you argue the hell out of it. Not always the case - I tried to pull an anti-feminist stance with a hard core feminist in a discussion of Lady Chatterly's Lover - bombed.

As to the issue of the construction of writing - grammar (which we all know I suck at), and the overall construction - sentence, paragraph, essay... Nope. It's a hard one though. There is this gap between a 2 page High School essay in the standard Intro, 3 parapraph body, and the Conclusion - with it's simple ideas to the University Essay. I remember being shocked that I could have more then 2 paragraphs for an intro (what a blessing) and the body wasn't limited to 3 paragraphs - you mean I can write as much as I want? I normally did rely on the 3 concepts or 4 - in that construction was easier.

Creative writing? SFU offers the courses as part of their Publishing Degree - but the format is so intimidating - it's for writers only - like REAL writers, and you have to submit pieces to be approved. Not to mention I don't know if I could even create under pressure - I did fine in finals but that was all bullshit - it was just how much I could reference in 3 hours... not creative in the least. The purpose of their creative writing courses isn't to develop talent from scratch, it's for final refinement. At the end of it - like you said it's not for credit. Blah.

Jenn said...

Oh about the English teacher thing - while it may prepare you for the analytical component - it seems those who go on to be teachers are not those who are actually passionate. I know you don't like Rauser - but he was the one exception I found. He was willing to push the boundaries of accepted literature. I can't imagine teaching English and being told to teach To Kill A Mockingbird or whatever - and ignoring the good literature - like the African American writers be they in novel or essay form. Ellision, Hurston, King Jr. etc. In the end I know I would be teaching it, and most likely pissing someone or many someones off and out of a job I would be... university it doesn't matter who you make mad - in the end you can spin it as them being closed minded, and you're pushing the envelope for the good of society.