Since I'm poor, retail therapy isn't an option - and food based therapy requires I bake - and I'm not up for it tonight - but yes I have been known to make brownies at 10pm before - normally only around exam time though - thus not induced by the one affliction I wish removed from my psyche - so thus literary therapy is my only option. And you all get to join me in it.
I came to a realization earlier on in the week - I know just two short days ago - marriage doesn't scare me anymore in regards to one person thus far - it's given me nightmares, cold sweats and heart palpitations with everyone else I've known or thought of in that respect. Which will reaffirm for some of you why I'm single -but whatever. So I talked to Leaha about this and she suggested that I blog this panic I have about not panicking... what the ___ is wrong here? I even suggested to her I would even be willing to use the word submit in my vows to said person. Something has definitely short circuited - I'm a feminist - I plan on using birth-control and I plan on seeing it as a partnership - I'm no one's property - I'm defined apart from, not in relation to, and yet... this person exemplifies that kind of character - the kind that would let me have freedom, so much so I would be willing to reign myself in. Someone I wouldn't hesitate to have 4-6 kids with... saying that it's apparent I need help - an intervention.
You know Leaha I didn't want to blog this because I'm going to look at it tomorrow and cringe and even worse I live in daily fear that this will all be found out - and I'll blush crimson on Sunday, violent and hot. Then again that will likely happen on Sunday anyways - if he's there... which a large part of me hopes he's not so I can breathe deeply again and move on...
Just to add to the beautiful crazy as Leaha calls it - posted because Damien is the thing that every crazy person needs to listen to.
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1 comment:
Don't fret- I know exactly what you're talking about. I too am a feminist and want to submit to no one yet something about my husband just lets me do so happily. I think we as women tend to try to take care of and be responsible for EVERYTHING and to let that go is quite liberating. This is a slightly new thing for me as well so I myself don't understand it. But I've decided it can co-exist with my Hear Me Roar feminism simply because I choose it to. I hope I made some sense. I really like your blog btw
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