Tuesday, January 1, 2008

One Thing Before I Go

I desperately want to sleep - the room is cool, the bed is warm, my bag is packed for tomorrow and the alarm clock set to 5:38. Even my lunch is made - I know crazy - I pulled myself out of bed this afternoon and was productive - so productive I made orange, cranberry, flax seed scones... but sorry no picture my brother took my digital camera with him on his tour of the UK - it will come back to me in February when he's back here for Paul's wedding. Regardless - I can't sleep because I have something I need to get off my brain - and yes I know that's not the correct phrase but I don't like the other version - so I'm creating an appropriate alternative.

The thing I must get off is - I changed my profile and now I'm getting more really old men and short guys. Okay I understand we all need love and community, but here's the deal - I like my heels, even if they don't like me and I don't want to spend my life looking down at you - I think that's just kind of bizarre. As for the really old men - I just don't know - you maybe nice, great guy but I'm not sure about the next few years of my life and I don't know - I don't like feeling like I'm just a potential baby factory. I want to spend time with my husband before kids come into the picture. And another thing for those blond hair, blue eyes kind of California/Scandinavian looking boys - you look like my brother - and that is not okay with me... kissing my brother - eww. And if we're being really picky - which I think I am allowed to be - big guys - like large muscular ones don't work for me either - you scare me, I don't care that your friends call you a teddy bear or whatever - I'm petite, I'm a pacifist and I've dealt with really lame men in my past - all which gives me the irrational fear that you're just to big for me to handle - some women feel safe - I feel intimidated.

Two more things - the red hair - it is a sign - there is a reason it's red - think fire, danger even hell if you must - I do not fit that role of vanilla Christian girl. And last but not least maybe this should just be my new profile. Beware. Joel I know you would like that - suits doesn't it?


cheryl said...

sounds like you're getting old men leering at you

Therrian said...

I posted this on an earlier blog, but you probably won't see it, so I will post it again.

The purpose of a profile on a dating site is not to tell people about yourself or to explain the type of person you are. The purpose is to give a brief glimpse of the person that you are so that people who think they might be interested in you are going to make attempts to contact you.

This is going to sound harsh, but it is the truth, no one is going to seriously consider a relationship with someone who throws that they are a vegan, feminist, literary snob down on the table. That is just going to scare anyone away, though that may be the very reason you do it :)

That is not to say that you should not, or can't be, all those things above and find someone, but dating is about learning to like someone despite their so called 'unique' attributes.

I 100% promise you that if I said in my profile that I was a total geek and that if someone started dating me that in 1 year you would be buying me toys that are meant for 12 year olds at christmas, that Tamara would not have given me a second look.

However, as we got to know each other and found that we enjoyed each other's company, the whole fact that I play with toys was really not a big deal.

Reality is, relationships start out superficial, every time.

If you want to have a profile that actually attracts attention from the person you might want to be with, hit up on the above in a non-threatning manner.

I am a fiery red-head who loves to cook healthy vegan meals for myself, and for others. I love the written word, both reading it and putting my own down on paper.

I tread the line between conservative and liberal on a daily basis, and I am always open to discussion about the world and the people in it.

I like to dream big, and I am hoping to find someone who can walk side by side with me on my journey through life, particularly if you are an inked, thoughtful musician who can melt my knees through song.

The above would get people interested in who you are, while not scaring the crap out of people.

Oh, and you will always get tons of messages from people who have not taken 2 seconds to read your profile, that is your lot in life as a girl, just delete them and move on and don't let them get to you.

Remember, the point of an online site is not so you can find the one person that you want to talk to that fits into all your wants/desires. It is to find people who you would be interested in finding out if they fit into that mold. No profile is ever going to let you know enough about a person to know if they are the one, but rather to eliminate those that would never have a chance at being that.

Jenn said...

Okay Joel - apparently you have no faith in my ability to write a profile. But if I continue to get the scary men - I'll post yours

As I should have noted clearer on the other blog - there are requirements that you have to post - like who I'm looking for etc - and then yes there's the introductory paragraph thing - which quite simply now is a definition of what a vegan is for all the those meat eating men in Kentucky who apparently don't know what one is and whatever basic info - no use of the word feminist or literary snob or anything remotely along those lines.

Scare tactic - maybe it is - if you persist past it maybe you're what I'm looking for.

Therrian said...

Well you would have to post the profile for anyone to know what it says :)

Oh, and explaining what a vegan is in your profile is scary to most people. By labeling yourself as a vegan, you are immediatly making yourself an outsider to what is considered the 'norm', and throwing that into someones face that bluntly is going to scare people off, good people who might end up being perfect for you in the long run, but who don't want to see that all upfront.

And yes, you have to fill in all those other areas as well, but being hyper particular in those is going to accomplish the same thing as a detailed profile.

Dating is about large numbers being whittled down to a small number. It is very rare that 1 person is going to end up being a perfect match, you have to play the odds.

LeahA said...

Jenn thanks for giving me a chuckle before I was suppose to go to sleep !!!!!
I like the idea of you adding the fact that your a firey red head !

Jenn said...

You know I think we're making too much out of something that wasn't started for the purposes of finding someone - it was set up for the purposes of finding something to write about - a little experiment, social observation and apparently from the way things are turning out an opportunity to help Leaha find someone...

cheryl said...

i like joel's blurb about you, AND he even included the fiery red head bit. kudos to joel.