Thursday, February 7, 2008

Here I Stand

It's amazing that I continually find myself again, sitting on this ledge pondering whether to jump or not. To take the plunge - in this case ponder a ticket purchase. I've been here before with all sorts of other emotions - doubt, conviction, fear, foreknowledge and more often than not His firm whispering No, this is not the time, trust Me. So now I sit here and I don't hear that whisper, and now I'm wondering what now? Is it in me to jump regardless of the possible outcome? Why do I feel different? I feel this unsettling peace, this desire to progress and yet there are fears - apprehensions - emotions colliding and blending into indistinguishable combinations - hope and fear, joy and pain etc...

So a break is what is going to occur this weekend Three and I won't talk until Monday. I'm going to cancel my engagements and fast - Sundown to Sundown - Friday Night to Saturday Night which is a crazy thing for me considering my regimented diet and temperamental blood sugars but I think it's essential - like I said to Leaha - this without a doubt warrants it. In addition to that I would like prayer from you the readers that we both come to a united decision about the future actions. Specifically if we meet soon or more or less call things off for a period of time and at a later date pursue a friendship, or another possibility that neither of us see at the moment. That and sleep, I haven't slept through the night in almost two months if not longer.


No comments: