Friday, May 30, 2008

The "Right" Age to Marry Is...

Never! In that I don't believe there is a right age, a mininium age (within the law) or a maximum age provided that the intentions/motivations and all other aspects are healthy. Over the past few years I found the discussion about age and marriage increasingly difficult. In that it seems that socially, especially within the Church (conservative/Republican/etc) there is a support for young marriage and a strong push to get those older then 35 to the altar, but there isn't a lot of support for those in the middle. The young it seems are given the benefit of the doubt that they're not just marrying because they can't seem to keep their hands off each other. And those over 35 are forgiven because well life must suck to be single that long, so let's all just let them do whatever.

So for those of us in the middle, those who have known singledom, relationships, independence and the immediate pains of all the changes that occur during this stretch of life - we get the quizzical looks, the questions and the doubt. Why? I know that it's a huge commitment, don't think there isn't an aspect of it that doesn't scare me, that there isn't a clear understanding that this is a life long commitment - and I don't get a do over, an erase and try again option, there is no get out of jail, er marriage, free card. I also know that I know a man now that erases the fear that 1 year, 5 years or even 25 years down the road that I'll wake up in a cold sweat, burdened with the knowledge that he wasn't God's will for my life.

Being single has it's advantages - life before all this was good - simple, gym in the morning, work, come home cook/clean, blog and go to bed - a routine. A routine that for me instilled comfort and comfort instills laziness at time, stalemates me into a routine that didn't challenge me or drive me towards my (our) calling.

5 comments:

Shawn said...

I totally agree and do not understand. Funny thing is these are the same people who ask questions constantly like "who are you seeing? Why are you single you're such a beautiful young lady/man? Are you ever going to get married?" My favorite would be my mother having the fear tha her son might be gay because he hasn't had a girlfriend in four years...That's the best!

Natasha said...

Well...I know we share the same philosophy...to never settle and people now days don't really seem to get that. Even well meaning family and friends usually.

But sounds like you don't have to worry about that anymore...love you...I'll call you tonight if that's still cool. tasha

jocelyn said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jocelyn said...

Well... but your entire post is predicated on singleness being a choice. What about when it isn't?

I feel like I have a bi-monthly personal crisis when I am in the presence of women younger than I who are whining about their singleness and how much it sucks to date guys and never have it turn into anything... and all I can think is how confusing it is to know for sure you are NOT "called to singleness" but unwillingly single.

Jenn said...

I'm sorry it came across that way, I know that in many respects singleness isn't a choice - it's only a choice in the situation where Shawn and I have discussed it - you get to a place where you realize that life is better together but that choice comes with the decision to relinquish an aspect of your freedom.

For those who are still single - like I've talked with Seth so many times before I don't get it - I don't get how women like Kirsten and yourself are single - smart, talented, educated - in life and theory (yay for books) and of course beautiful. Maybe it's the curse of knowing what you want and not being willing to settle... sorry if I've become insensitive to all this in the last little while