Friday, October 24, 2008

Another Hmm

Okay so I admit, this is the first night that I'm somewhat inspired and maybe it's the rush from having cleaned the house - the preliminary clean, the big bleach and scrub fest comes tomorrow, or maybe it's the super awesome cup of coffee I had at the Italian place. I have something that needs to be released.

So I'm in group pseudo therapy in addition to my own one on one fun time. I say pseudo because it's more like AA or any kind of group but it's slightly different so they get all squirrely when we say it's therapy... Different in the sense there is only the mutual support portion and not the mutual discussion/help that AA like programs offer. We all are relatively anonymous and do not cross talk or have discussion, we are each there for our own learning and self discovery due to the vast range of experiences from which people are coming from.

Any ways on to the issue at hand. I don't particularly like men in a relational way. I would like to change this, thus the aforementioned group etc. - it's part of that - changing the way I relate to men and how I feel around them etc. So when I had Therapy Boy sit next to me last, last Tuesday I didn't think anything of it. I mean I've pretty much blocked out anyone in the group, faces are a mystery every week and I like it that way - because then I don't ever have to feel like I know you outside this context, or you know me. But when TB sat next to me or in my direct vicinity consistently during the weekend session and last Tuesday I started getting squirrely. And then he played the whole I don't remember you, what's your name business, pu-leese buddy...

I have talked to TB in a group setting around some cups of coffee on the group weekend with two other female participants - one being TB's good friend. He heard a little about where I'm coming from - previously engaged and finding myself - my attempt to send out the pastel shade warning flare. Now after last Tuesday I feel like saying Goodness man, you know why some of us are here? Think about it. Think about it hard. Got it? Now find somewhere not near me to sit, okay, that would be wonderful. Much Thanks, Have a good time, take care.

I am aware that I could be seriously reading into it, but I've done just about everything I can to insulate myself with people without looking a little kooky myself, and he keeps popping up. I am at the point where I am starting to wonder. I mean I know why I'm here, why are you? Should I be worried? I mean seriously I tried to be polite and be all like I'm not available for anyone, especially not you my Main Street/nerd chic/metrosexual therapy cohort because quite frankly you look better then me and I won't have it. Actually there are plenty of other more intellectual reasons but my brain is on the fritz so that's a good enough reason is it not?

So um ya, that's what is going on. So question to my wonderful new readers and of course my devoted friends when do I really start to worry about this pattern? Two more weeks of trying to hide and then seek the interventional help of one of the organizers discreetly or go all crazy feminist Jenn on him - those who know me in person know what that looks like...

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/xssat/2908658307/ Again to note, not him of course that would be bizarre and TB has more of man fringe bob going on, but not like you care. I'm just trying to provide a visual for all the non Vancouverites.

5 comments:

cheryl said...

chalk it up to paranoia or don't read into it at all, his motivations shouldn't influence you or your seating or re-seating yourself. you should have two simple rules: a) never see any male from the group outside the group and b) dating, anti-dating, or anything in between, anyone that doesn't go to church on sundays are off limits...and thus logically, i'm thinking emo guy from the east side isn't worth the time.

cheryl said...

grammatical correction: anyone who doesn't go to church on sundays IS off limits.

Jenn said...

That's already in the rules - signed a contract about that. The reason there is paranoia is who the group is for - it's Living Waters. As an asside Mr Emo guy or overly fashionable Main Streeter whichever you'd pick, goes to church and has a gaggle of Regentees for friends...

Paranoia it shall be for a while...

Jenn said...

To clarify we don't socialize at group for the most part and we can't/really shouldn't outside of group

LeahA said...

TB !!! Love his name....