Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Dethroning

I've been tossing and turning for the last hour - partly because there has been a blog rolling around in my head and my Internet was not working and partly because I had a nap late this afternoon - I had to - well I had to do that or have a strong drink and since my stomach was a little churny I opted for the nap. Why the decision - I shopped at Walmart today... Wait! I can explain - I had to, seriously - I have spent the last week and a bit searching desperately for cellophane to wrap my boss' gift in and I could not find it - and well I found where it's been hiding. Walmart. Gah, I should have stocked up while I was there but I couldn't stomach it.

I am officially a stalker with a non stalker purpose if you can call it that. Christmas Presence is on Sunday and I know that PC will be playing the drums for one of the artists. I knew that long ago so when I was offered a ticket and a chance to not attend alone I jumped at the opportunity. Not so that I could gaze longingly, but rather so I could once and for all give myself the gift of a PC vacated throne. I want to know, to see that me now can do that - can look and objectively walk away or walk towards - more effective and say Merry Christmas and casually walk away.

This is how I see it and this is how I feel it will go down. If I have the nerve and or opportunity to walk haltingly towards PC, I will likely groan/mutter/crackle out a Merry Christmas and then stand there getting increasingly red while he stands perplexed at my embarrassed/stressed demeanor, asks the standard familial questions - which this year I get the added complexity of dancing around, before trying to desperately make my exit before my mouth goes completely dry and my palms start to drip. Horror of all horrors he will be a current reader of this blog and that will enter the conversation at which time, I will likely start bursting capillaries in my face from the flushing of my complexion and attempt to make a graceful yet hasty exit.

Fairy tales however dictate that the following will happen. I will have the nerve to walk with a sexy yet demure strut towards PC, I will strike up a conversation with composure and grace or make a polite ass of myself - the later actually is better for the sake of the story and make a hasty exit to the snow covered parking lot (a guarantee right now) in an attempt to flee said situation only to be followed by PC expressing his long held secret love.

I must confess I was almost gaging during the typing of the last situation - though I have to say in true perfectly me fashion I believe it would be the first situation with the last line of the last situation - crimson face, stomach turning, mumbling embarrassment coupled with redemption - if only.

But at the end of the day all I hope to accomplish is no fall, no stumbling and an empty throne - my Christmas gift to my relationship/emotional health and sanity - but it's all too much isn't it? Maybe I should have opted for a manicure gift certificate instead.



Anonymous said...

do it do it do it
say hi
do it do it do it

cheryl said...

i have a weird deja vu that you or someone else had to buy cellophane at walmart before....and kicked themselves for not buying more....

and walmart in canada is VERY different than walmart in the US. it's not quite as evil to its employees.

Jenn said...

Well Cheryl, it wasn't me before - that is like the last place I would venture - but I do regret not purchasing another - so unMartha of me. A side note I'm suprised you missed the Buffy reference.

Anonymous, you seem oh so very much like Ms. Hansen, but hmm, she said it before as I was almost launched down the isle at 10th to do the same thing about a year ago... that of course we all know I failed at.

Anonymous said...

it is i...i cant log in for some dang reason, weird!

Jenn said...

I just realized that I didn't call Walmart the Hellmouth - I called it that to my roommate but not on the blog, poor form by me