While weddings are not marriages, all I've seen and been through in the last few weeks has made me wonder if we've missed the point, or if my single view is just that - the view of a single individual, as well as my view being held by just me, and no other member of this population would agree with me. Being a maid of honor, has become nothing like I thought it would be for various reasons, but those aside. I've found the greatest issue is I've been continually confronted with the statements "when I do mine" and such like and yet as we've seen and know, and I know if I'm honest those statements are worthless. Not so much in that I will change my mind, more so that there will be no "big day." Dealing with all these plans and its insanity has been the self really tough love I needed to banish the one last remaining thread that had been the snag in my life. My life has been directed along a path that does not provide for or in many respect require/need a partner. Sure marriage is a wonderful thing, life partnership and yadda yadda. But marriage is not an indicator of your value to the world in general, your value to your friends, you own determination of self worth, it does not make life better or worse, easier or harder, it does not make getting out of bed all the more grand. Life without a vintage piece of metal and gem should not belittle who I am or where I am going. Pop culture may have told me so, but it also has shown me via endless hours on myspace and blogs that what I'm looking for doesn't exist and as So You Think You Can Dance has proved, while partnering may be difficult - you get to the end and save yourself - determine your direction always independent of a partner - it's you and you alone. And is that not life? Sure some may say that's stubborn or selfish but in the end I think would be more stubborn/selfish to have a wedding knowing you can't have a marriage.
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