Thoughts

Let's leave whatever it was that previously occured where it is - got questions you can ask them but it's still something that even I am begining to realize that I have only begun to deal with the whole feeling like damaged goods at times and at others feminist with well constructed force field and the majority of times a woman I am not comfortable with - at odds with when I swing through the full range of emotions from the far end of feeling confident or sensual - note I did not use another commonly used word, the opposite end of feeling awkard in the body of 25 year old and wondering why.

Onwards now. Many topics to cover and short laptop battery to cover them in.

1. Had an interview today - I know not new news for those following the saga, more so black comedy that has been my job search. The crazy thing is after all the interviews at medical offices and the missed opportunity to write for an advertising firm - there was an job opening at Willingdon for a Student Ministries Administrative Assistant. It's a run for your life job - like BUSY. Who knows. But you know to pray before an interview almost reduced me to tears today - it's crazy to communally seek the best candidate. On top of that to know that they see your heart - to see the brokenness in the sacrifice of medicine and the unsure nature that a life in Christ can bring - FLUX.

2. This is why I love having a roomie - Leaha's worried I'm going to get sick of her but she's not me and so I won't - she's Steve's polar opposite when it comes to personality - Steve was quiet, Leaha is not and it's good - because I'm there now. And one place I am is the burgeoning social justice - teach me your ways world - well not exactly but you know. So we're going to the VIFF and catching some late night documentarys - one on he human traficking of women - It Happened Just Before and tomorrow In Memory of Myself which following a man before he takes his vows - the real ones, not the until death due us part ones, looks like the other option - although there are tons of great films - like The Orange Chronicles - a documentary from an International Elections Observer on the dozens of films on the Environment and Human Rights, of course they have the fluffy stuff too - thrillers and lusty films etc.

3. Music - First off the newly released Leann Rimes - is very good - The Things I Cannot Change. But more importantly it's been mentioned before on here of the UCM blog -The Silence of God is an incredible song - Leaha asked why I would listen to a sad song - well I listen to it for a few reasons.

a. I'm still there in that waste land - be it Everest mountain top or Rift Valley bottom (see UCM's blog for 2 blogs in that 3 part series - 3 is in the works).

b. It's good to be reminded that while He might not be silent in your life, His is in others.

So here's the lyrics - it's not on his myspace anymore but here's the link to it if you want to have a listen

Lyrics:

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God
It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God
And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...
There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone
And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God