Times are a changin'

So I've been thinking about all sorts of crazy things as of late - like were the anatomy people on something when they came up with some of these names - you think you've got the whole naming thing down and then they throw in a weird one, or the multiple naming business - trapezious muscle and a trapezoid carpal bone - no where near each other. Regardless, I need to get out of bed considering the original plan was do 9-12 at Starbucks, come home make lunch, pack up my stuff - and get to school for 1 - then do what I did yesterday - 1-4 in the recesses of the MBC and then 4-6 on the 6th floor of the AQ. I would normally study on the 6th floor of the library but the whole no food and inconsistant level of white noise drives me crazy. The 6th floor is suppose to be silent but there is always the ding of the elevator, the hum of the cellphones on vibrate, msn messanger on almost mute and being that it's almost the start of cold season which then followed by flu season (January - March)* - sniffles. The sniffles kill me. Maybe it's the repressed motherly instinct but I feel like taking a Kleenex to their face and saying "Blow!" I digress - changes are on there way - Leaha and Leah have been complaining bitterly that I write too much - Leaha makes me read the blogs to her now - a service I will extend to anyone else. And since this blog has diverted from my original purpose which was to produce more thought provoking, dare I say educational pieces - and yes to an extent comment on my life. The hope is with these changes that you may in turn comment - comments are really like best kinds of compliments because they are completely unrelated to my physical aesthetic which by all your silence we've determined I'm high maintenance but no one has or will have the guts to tell me that.... seriously I don't want to be.

So if I can keep my hands away from the keyboard I will be posting towards the end of the week - on the favorite subject of yours and mine - dealing with Christian feminists - I realized that the instruction manual never was circulated and I still run into the same issues - and I promise it will be posted in parts - short, maybe even succinct parts. It's that topic or more likely - career/life etc... since I can't seem to get the poster outside the Health and Career counseling - Career? Get One! out of my head (the picture appropriately referencing my view on things)

*PSA - While I would like to recommend you get your flu shot - it's actually VERY non-Vegan - they use eggs to incubate the virus - which is why I always get violently ill post shot in past years - so thankfully I'll have more than my allergy to get me out of the mandatory health staff poke. So this season do it the old fashion way wash your hands, exercise and eat healthy.

To my beloved patients - please do not harass me when you get the flu in November. Of course the shot didn't work - a vaccine first of all does not work instantaneously, and second - the flu vaccine is developed with a key strain in mind - the one that runs rampant through the population in Jan-Mar. You my friend just lucked out and got the bonus early edition of some rogue virus or more accurately it was a cold.

Photo courtesy of Maplemusketeer

Your coffee choice is good for the environment but is your vacation?

“If you put your ear to the ground in this part of the world today, what do you hear?” (Barsamian 99). Silence.

Aside from the mindless cellular phone chatter, the communal hum of the IPod’s and Blackberries, there is nothing. No ground swells, no underground or grassroots movements. Sure maybe PETA activists make the news more frequently and Al Gore’s our new social saint – secular Jesus if you will, preaching a message of redemption, but at and by our own hands. Are we changing the world? Do my actions change anything? Does my vegan lifestyle alter the course of this world? It doesn’t I know that, if anything the commercialisation of my lifestyle to make it more palatable moves in the direction opposite to my purpose, simplification and instead is now fodder for salacious newspaper covers. The greater issue being has our communal drive for consumeristic joy drowned out the voices that are dying to be heard?

Environmentalism, the environment does not have a voice nor does it need one, it needs a chorus. Contrary to the popular belief Al Gore and the UN assembly does not speak for the environment, if anything I wonder if they’ve personified that which should not have been and in the process those with a birth rite ordained voice have been forcibly silence. Those like you, me and Eric Volz.

Eric Volz was the publisher of a bilingual periodical El Puente Magazine concerned primarily with the socio-economic effects of mass tourism in fragile economic and ecological areas. Environmental tourism is coming on the heels of our demands for organic, fair trade and shade grown coffee. But in many respects while fair trade coffee was an easy economic decision, environmental tourism is not. For two simple reasons, first being an issue of cost – my coffee cost me 75 cents this morning (student rate for those with travel mugs), but my yoga retreat to Costa Rica where I will be really putting my money were my mouth is almost $2000. It’s easy as a student to put down 75cents and say I stand for something, it’s different when what you stand for ensures that you skip over those cheap Vegas trips, and all inclusive booze fests in Cancun. It is one of the great ironies of globalism, we have the media resources to spearhead a new wave in environmentalism, and meanwhile we rape and pillage the world’s resources under the guise of industrialism, a collective movement towards a unified world.

Globalism is the second reason why environmental tourism and overall environmental sustainability are not a concern for developing countries. As long as North America is the world’s moral compass, more specifically as long as Hollywood wealth and glamour are, the 3 Gorges Dam and the dam projects of India (40% of the world’s dams are being built in India – Barsamian 24) will continue to eliminate sensitive ecosystems to power fertilizer plants and other toxic industries. Business, jobs and industry are the source of the money lining the pockets of civic, state and country leaders the world around and eliminating the small amount on the tables of the worker. So when Eric Volz started bringing attention to the very imminent issue of American dollars being used overhaul the environment of a region fiercely independent, he hit a sore subject. Caribbean, Central American and to an extent South American countries rely on the tourist dollar – as the beaches of the Caribbean look more like Vegas and less like a paradise, the travelers go elsewhere or south.

So like any good politician or personality in the public sphere like those in the Nicaraguan government, they found themselves the perfect socio-economic scapegoat – a kill two birds with one stone kind of deal – rise anti-American sentiments to divert away from their backroom dealings and eliminate on of the loudest voices on the issue of environmental sustainability. So while we whimper over the loss of trees, streams and sustainable farming – destroyed by the American influence on the market remember there are flesh and blood lives at stake in this battle too. Eric Volz was sentenced to a 30 year sentence for a rape and murder he did not commit. Sacrificed like the Amazon rainforest, the Mayan burial grounds and the oceans for the evils of the US and similar industrialize countries. Environmentalism is at the heart of social justice, and as such shouldn’t be about what country you’re from – we aren’t going to turn down aid from the US for those suffering in Darfur – so why have we turned on Eric?

Protest

Leaha just informed me that my non-blogging status does not accurately infer anything other than I'm busy. While I am, being busy has never and will never stand between me and my blogs, it does however do a good job in altering the quality and content. I haven't been blogging because I want you to comment, damn it! I know that's a huge threat, but you know these posts have involved big topics and I want your feedback- am I high maintenance? should I teach yoga? And even if you're daring you can even argue in defense of a certain someone and a gender in general for all their general nondescript reasons for bailing on something when we can see through the attempt at opacity. So why am I continuing to type if I'm protesting? Good question, it has to do with the incessant office music that is leading me to self destruction, QMFM is cruel and unusual punishment - cheesy, sappy soft rock/pathetic pop is enough to make a bitter borderline romantic go crazy - like rip out my ears crazy - ew, Paula Abdul is on...

If you're actually worried I am going to stop blogging, don't worry I've got the determination of 3 year old - limited at best. But please, comment... please. I'm not above bribery you know - name your price - a dozen ginger cookies that Leaha claims are better than Starbucks for 3 good comments is fair, want something better? Pecan pie? Joel - are you wanting pecan pie? Cheryl - cupcakes - yummy tiramisu cupcakes?

Questions

To delete or not to delete - it's that nasty guilt thing - worried that discourse is not feasible post what was laid out. I'm not crazy - seriously

Sleep or not to sleep - I'm beyond tired - I haven't had a good night's sleep in two weeks now - and it's getting worse - we're moving faster and faster towards insomnia - Cheryl I need some Ativan... asap.

Study or not to study - considering the above it's like slogging through the last mile of a marathon.

Channeling this nervous energy into something productive

Okay, so the highlight of my week was a comment I received - actually the highlight of my life right behind Al Fleischman's raving reviews about my writing. Regardless it started me thinking last night after listening in on a conversation - Dave Oram was explaining his lifestyle and maturation in the process of his art to the point where he does what he does because that's who he is - not about pandering to a niche for commercial success. Leaha and I started talking on the walk home from the gallery show (which you should all check out by the way), about how I just need to start writing. Writing - and not just blogging, seriously who really reads all this anyways? So not that it's a giant step up, and some would argue that's it's even less respectable than blogging these days, but the PEAK has a comments section on the back, why don't I start with a piece for that. The topic? Eric Volz.
I sat in front of my laptop yesterday for over an hour - frustrated, I knew what I wanted to say - that this is all crazy, why don't you care, why doesn't any of us care about anything for that matter? SFU claims to be a radical campus, and yet we are lame, apathetic and commerically motivated to the same degree as the rest of the population. SPIRG, Womyn's Center and Out on Campus maybe the only footholds left, and you know they're more or less ignored by the student population. So what I started with is a failure because I couldn't find a way to articulate myself out of my anger and feeling of helplessness, came to me on the bus today made me wonder why I didn't bring my laptop with me to work like I had planned - I would have stopped, sat down at the nearest dry spot and typed - it all came to me in a flood of clarity - that is now slowly coming back into focus with the help of my americano misto. Eric Volz is a political scapegoat for the globalization movement. In that with his work he was seeking to work against globalization - a nasty beast to try to stop - as seen with WTO situations etc. This thought started when talking to Leaha this morning about finding a way to make the situation, the reality of the situation, applicable to our peers. Globalization is in many ways a glitzy form of imperialism - instead of raping and pillaging the people and resources - we merge and invest and then destroy in the name of productivity and in supposedly the best interest of the local population. For our peers, have you ever considered what was destroyed in the name of your $1000 all inclusive booze fest in Mexico or ones of the Caribbean islands? The government and officials aren't concerned as they see dollar signs - and the same is happening as we move further into Central America. American imperialism, cloaked in the glories of globalization versus those who seek the sustainable, socio-economically beneficial tourism. No gawk and awe, or little children pushing goods on the beaches - but tourism that defends the land and builds the economy and social development via education and empowerment of the native populations. Resorts that use local resources, grey water, solar power, teach conservation and built over canopies of sensitive eco-systems, meanwhile providing local jobs, preserving the fragile environment and allowing the native population to retain their identities apart from Las Vegas style zoo that's proliferated along the Caribbean coast line.

So where do our peers come in? They want cheap holidays - and ethical coffee, clothes and produce - hypocritical - yes, more to the point, the latter aren't truly important, more a status symbol, like the wrist bands, or Gap RED jeans. Both issues need to be addressed for what they really are - if you truly care that your bean are shade-grown, organic, fair-traded, then why not your vacation - in the you spend the same amount in the end - 3.00 x 5 x 52 weeks - roughly 780 dollars for just a regular latte.
I'm going to do some more research of course - check out the numbers involved and read up on my Arundhati - see if I can fish out a good quote or two on her opinion of globalization and public apathy.

Photo courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/revaz/

This is a word that will start a tangental rambling

What is subjugate? Aw, I miss Jeopardy about as much as I'm sure Leaha misses those 10 minutes of her life after she asked me to define subjugate. I miss my English classes, I really do, I know I could get into a graduate school somewhere, but seriously what good would that do me? I'd be better off taking some publishing classes through SFU's continuing studies programs - the catch is I'm not really published. My poetry was published in high school, but nothing prestigious. I miss the dialogue in the classes but I also miss the language - words like subjugate, disseminate and liminal, topics like the Haskalah, ghosts and immigration and author's like Chaucer, Rhys and Roy - list goes on. Fundementally it is my love of writing. By what can I do with writing? Leaha's trying to convince me to abandon my MBB minor and switch to sociology. Like I need another reason for why I personally understand the word subjugate or that I can list quotes, texts and ramble on and on. Who knows maybe she's right. Maybe I have to surrender this degree and just apply for the dietitian program in Oregon. But then I guess that depends if I get the job or not. If I get it I won't be able to get in for next year, and if I don't maybe I'll consider sociology or delay the whole thing a year - or maybe I'll move stateside regardless and do my ashtanga yoga instructor training. In the end there is this small part of me that wants my life to do a 180 or what have you for a reason not related to my own indecisiveness or lost feeling. . . but that may just be beyond wishful thinking.

As an aside, welcome to Canada again, my beloved bride to be, Cheryl - and thanks for distracting me at lunch today while we flipped through Martha Stewart. You know when we trash your dress we need to burn the magazines - I hate having them around. I guess the next time I see you will be in a few weeks on the island? Now don't go booking that weekend, after midterms are over I'm going to need a break.

Thoughts

Let's leave whatever it was that previously occured where it is - got questions you can ask them but it's still something that even I am begining to realize that I have only begun to deal with the whole feeling like damaged goods at times and at others feminist with well constructed force field and the majority of times a woman I am not comfortable with - at odds with when I swing through the full range of emotions from the far end of feeling confident or sensual - note I did not use another commonly used word, the opposite end of feeling awkard in the body of 25 year old and wondering why.

Onwards now. Many topics to cover and short laptop battery to cover them in.

1. Had an interview today - I know not new news for those following the saga, more so black comedy that has been my job search. The crazy thing is after all the interviews at medical offices and the missed opportunity to write for an advertising firm - there was an job opening at Willingdon for a Student Ministries Administrative Assistant. It's a run for your life job - like BUSY. Who knows. But you know to pray before an interview almost reduced me to tears today - it's crazy to communally seek the best candidate. On top of that to know that they see your heart - to see the brokenness in the sacrifice of medicine and the unsure nature that a life in Christ can bring - FLUX.

2. This is why I love having a roomie - Leaha's worried I'm going to get sick of her but she's not me and so I won't - she's Steve's polar opposite when it comes to personality - Steve was quiet, Leaha is not and it's good - because I'm there now. And one place I am is the burgeoning social justice - teach me your ways world - well not exactly but you know. So we're going to the VIFF and catching some late night documentarys - one on he human traficking of women - It Happened Just Before and tomorrow In Memory of Myself which following a man before he takes his vows - the real ones, not the until death due us part ones, looks like the other option - although there are tons of great films - like The Orange Chronicles - a documentary from an International Elections Observer on the dozens of films on the Environment and Human Rights, of course they have the fluffy stuff too - thrillers and lusty films etc.

3. Music - First off the newly released Leann Rimes - is very good - The Things I Cannot Change. But more importantly it's been mentioned before on here of the UCM blog -The Silence of God is an incredible song - Leaha asked why I would listen to a sad song - well I listen to it for a few reasons.

a. I'm still there in that waste land - be it Everest mountain top or Rift Valley bottom (see UCM's blog for 2 blogs in that 3 part series - 3 is in the works).

b. It's good to be reminded that while He might not be silent in your life, His is in others.

So here's the lyrics - it's not on his myspace anymore but here's the link to it if you want to have a listen

Lyrics:

It's enough to drive a man crazy; it'll break a man's faith
It's enough to make him wonder if he's ever been sane
When he's bleating for comfort from Thy staff and Thy rod
And the heaven's only answer is the silence of God
It'll shake a man's timbers when he loses his heart
When he has to remember what broke him apart
This yoke may be easy, but this burden is not
When the crying fields are frozen by the silence of God
And if a man has got to listen to the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throes of all the happiness they've got
When they tell you all their troubles have been nailed up to that cross
Then what about the times when even followers get lost?
'Cause we all get lost sometimes...
There's a statue of Jesus on a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky, all quiet and cold
And He's kneeling in the garden, as silent as a Stone
All His friends are sleeping and He's weeping all alone
And the man of all sorrows, he never forgot
What sorrow is carried by the hearts that he bought
So when the questions dissolve into the silence of God
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
The aching may remain, but the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo of the silence of God

Readers

Oh dear readers - be you few and far between - understand something please, I want you to read. Blogging is a weird construct - in that the majority of these posts would never have become public consumption if I had years ago, when there was no Internet being forced to limit them to my inner thoughts or journals. I've always written, always found a profound satisfaction in being able to empty a portion of my brain's contents out on a surface. Some claim that is it is narcissistic, or an attempt for attention - a look at me, see what I want you to see - because it's just SO important. I've preferred to look at it as a facilitator or a medium by which I can express the whole of who I am. Actors use their persona's to reflect the facets of their personalities, legitimate writers use either characters to work out, work through or act out events that have some degree of importance, musicians and singers - have lyrics, notes, cadence and amplitude. Through writing I'm able to pose questions I want answered or not, vent, rave and the verbs could go on forever. In the end though as much as certain posts seem like I'm stepping out of a discourse, the fundamental purpose is I want to be able to discuss. Even in a very loose sense challenge you - pose an idea that you haven't considered and vice versa, challenge me.

In then end maybe there is an ulterior motive - if I could find away to articulate myself into a more productive literary form I would love to spend a decided portion of my life writing - article, short stories/essays etc or even a cookbook. Not a novel though, I don't have enough patience. Maybe if it was short, and I could in some sort of pastiche create a work like Daphne Marlett's Ana Historic - this fusion of present, past and lyric - to have a story with song, poetry and textural time would be amazing - like a novel version of a classic film with the soundtrack included. But that's not going to happen anytime soon - a life of luxury is what that would require - being able to write, create and be continually present through all my actions - to be a Mrs. Dalloway - without the lesbian or suicidal tendencies... granted there wouldn't be much left of her though.

As per usual I have no idea what the future holds for me in any respect, at this very moment I'm in a mostly packed room wondering why my life is as it is right now - the friends I've made and kept over the years, the jobs I've kept and don't want, will this year look like the last few - and if so can I do it over again - there has to be more to this life then holding onto joy - what about a little happiness - be it short term and artificial - I still wouldn't mind it.

So in the end read on, comment etc and hope that maybe one day I can be a blog of note....