Let It Rain

Leave the sky clear, but let it rain in my life - it's an odd request. But after the events of last night, of yesterday in general I feel a weight, and a growing call - a growing desire to do something. I've sat in front of this screen for weeks now - trying to write, trying to get something out of this brain to be the foundation of my piece for Geez magazine - and I hadn't been able to do it until yesterday. And then it flicked, clicked, whatever and now I'm face to face with a piece that challenges my view of my life - how that happened who knows?

A challenged view of life seems to be going around these days. And it is a burden I know - cracks start to form and something breaks you wide open, it's painful and you sit there wondering where it came from, and sometimes if it could just go away. Talking to Leaha last night I expressed that we carry doubts - doubts not necessarily related to the situation. I am conscious that doubts come from insidious places; they can come from the whisperings of that which seeks to turn me from my call. My doubts: Can I use my degrees? What is my life path? There is a counseling program at a Seminary I was looking at - more school? Can I serve for an NGO and not become party to that which I abhor, the missional nature of US foreign policy? Can I be married and still serve or am I called to be single? That's a huge one, single vs. married - it's one I've sat on the fence for years over - sitting there for a variety of unhealthy reasons I'm sure - just wondering if there was a healthy one that started it all - one that I lost somewhere in the process... or maybe it was a feeling to sustain me for a time - I just don't know. But I know that while I'm set on a course opposite to that feeling, I don't feel like it's wrong.

Hmm, stuff to ponder - I have a feeling there will be a lot of that going around, a lot. So forgive me if I don't post, or the posts are wordy, obtuse, and in general fragmented - words, writing, thinking, talking is how this is all brought to form, like pulling a magician's scarf out of my brain, one thought comes, then the next and so on, until I've got something, and things are a lot less cramped and confused.

So what now? Know that He provisions all as it should be - all as it is to be - for a specific time, place and period of time. Why? Sometimes we know and other times we don't.

The Week In Review

It's time that we return to our regular content, and since I am now commuting an hour each way to Surrey 4 times a week - I've had ample time to work my way through my new collection of books. This week I completed: The Word and The Bomb - Hanif Kureishi and on Friday finished a copy of a speech given by Arundhati Roy - it's a 60 page little book entitled Public Power in the Age of Empire.

The both had some interesting points I would like to share with you - Kureishi while writing as a Londoner and specifically in relation to the rise in militant Islam in their country made the following statement that grieved me when I really thought about it.

"We have not seen religious revolutionaries for a long time. Apart from liberation theology in South America - the church being used as an outlet for Left opposition - the only significant religion we saw for a long time was the new Soft Age, as well as other right-wing cults, like the Moonies. Even Martin Luther King was considered by use to be a black leader rather than a religious one.

For us, religious commitment, particularly if it was political too, entailed not emancipation but rejection of the Enlightenment and of modernity. How could we begin to deal with it? You respect people who are different, but how do you live with people who are so different that - among other things- they lock up their wives?" pg 7-8

Now to look at that statement - we have not seen religious revolutionaries - and it is true we have not - we have not seen a clear non-violent focused movement seeking to change a social mindset coming from the Church but even worse it isn't even in the Church - the core of where it should be and starting, within the Christian Community as a whole - thus big C church - community. Where is the cry for peace, for social justice, for a movement clearly away from the American/North American way of life? I still find it continually hard to support my desire for a life of service against the weight of all that surrounds me and the one thing that should be there reinforcing that call isn't - my big C church - continually scoffs at me with every James Dobson radio address, with every 500 Club show, Joel Osteen book bought and spiritually hollow mega church built while children starve, while we turn out backs on those in need saying we can't afford to, ignoring the fundamental needs of clean water, food, safety and love.

The thing with revolution is one with passion and a call - one that is true - like the civil rights movement, is that it inspires - which is what we need now - instead of fear mongering and governments jumping at shadows and myths in an effort to inspire a country to hate all that is seen as "other."

As to the second quote - it highlights the current struggle with the Church in North America today - where the Religious Right serves primarily to be the pendulum swing or the knee jerk reaction to all that is seen as "other:" Gays, Lesbian, Transgender, Bi-sexuals or Gender Identified as, Feminists, Vegans/Vegetarians, Environmentalists, Pro-Choice, Democrats, Drug users, Hip-Hop music lovers, Post Modernists, even just plain old educated folks. That's all we served to do is to push away at the other saying stay over there - don't come near our kids - and in essence pushing one generation and the subsequent ones back in their understanding of the world and those who are not Christian - which simply pushes the Church even further from those it should serve. Note I said serve not convert - this isn't a frequent convert project - Jesus set out to serve - and through His love and action brought people to Him. We should really we should be saying quite the opposite, "So what do you have to say?" Why do you like Leah believe God is Green, why like me do I believe God designed us to work in partnership not one gender beholden to the other, Why do you like Jocelyn believe the Democrats have it right?

HR person, Psychologist and a person who reads too much....

Results in a serious Sunday Brunch - seriously awesome food wise - tofu quiche - low cholesterol and all the benefits on top of tasting really good... but aside from that we talked about well a lot of what Shawn and I have been talking about - primarily because I know I need to temper what I am hearing and what I'm reading - I know that I don't lean right and the books are heavily left - though I am moving more and more in that direction. We were talking primarily about SES issues and the generational shift we've seen at SFU and how that's reflected across North America. We are currently seeing a younger generation rife with apathy and financial success, but that also change will come through a drastic force from that group. Due to SES changes there is currently the greatest opportunity for the education of new community leaders and the mobilization of migrant worker and populations that aren't marginal in size but are in relevance according to the government. There will also be a conscientious within these groups to move beyond infighting and focus on the greater issues. This all will be aided by the current downswing in the US economy. I know there are those hoping the economic influx of Christmas will aid in a resurgence, and while it may - there are other issues in effect - the war and government instability, the mortgage situation etc that are also contributing to the instability.

Times are changing... and I believe we should be right in there - there was a vegan feminist on the MennoMeet site - tattooed as well - she was working with migrant workers educating them on their rights and also for product responsibility - ensuring that companies are responsible for where they get their product. Tenth tonight had a Tim Hughes song God of Justice as part of the worship and it reaffirmed my belief that we are unbelievably selfish and longsighted in the Church - we see Heaven and God and ignore the whole of our lives - possibly another 60 years... what am I going to do with those years... work towards justice that's what I'm going to do, some how to show the chesedh of Christ. Passion is a part of that I believe that Christ has given us a passion beyond just Him to be our point of influence in the world and that He brings together people with similar visions or complimentary visions.

On that note Cheryl - Regent's whispering.... but I am ignoring it right now I have an Economist to read before bed.

To My Southern Friends

I've become a frequent reader and commenter on Shaun Groves blog - but you know there is a point to where I've come to realize there is a really good reason I don't live on the lower half of this fine continent.

One: Holidays are almost all inherently pagan - you keep forgetting that Christianity is a relatively new religion all things considered - not Judaism - yes that's been around, but they've got their own holidays you should educate yourselves on - Purim, Rosh Hashanah, Passover, Yon Kippur and lets not forget Chanukkah - yes there is a C - since it's a guttural H... Halloween and Christmas were pagan - and you know what are pretty much the worst kind of pagan now - Hallmark style pagan... But that I realize is an insult to those who actually celebrate the original meaning/purpose of the holiday - granted it has been several years since I did my research into Halloween's origins - but the basic premise like a large number of world religions is a reconnection with the dead, a feeding of the spirits and as a whole a time polar opposite to this Christian idea of ritual sacrifice etc.

As a side note - ritual sacrifice is the prime sin Christians have tacked onto groups they don't like - Jews for example - yes, Christians even developed laws in England, and the rest of Europe based on this belief - Chaucer wrote The Prioress' Tale and the Bellis Trial in Poland in recent times was also based on this.... tacky really tacky.

Two: Educate yourselves beyond the here and now - the world you see via CNN, pacifism works for the rest of the world - guns are not a life necessity. I cannot understand how giving a 4 year old a real gun and teaching her to shoot a rabbit is anywhere a step towards self-actualization. Maybe when your forefathers crossed the plains that was okay but there is a Super-Walmart in every American city - there is no reason for that kind of insanity.

3. Immigration - your country was founded on it - everyone other than the First Nations were immigrants - sorry but you were and by all respects illegal ones at that... So here's the deal - terrorists are smart enough to get into your country legally - the illegal ones are those who are looking to better their lives - adopt the hallowed American way... stop using them as glorified slaves - I know why your politicians are getting antsy - they see it - they see what they're doing and they know the next step - those immigrants will realize they're doing the bread and butter work you won't do and start wanting some rights - and there goes the country...

4. War should not be big business and your government should not be the morality police - note I did not say they shouldn't be the justice police - but here's the deal - sure I'm pro-life - but abortions have happened likely since the dawn of time and are safer when legalized - so I'm not stepping on that one - don't agree with it but that's not the point. Same sex marriage and all that - you know what - I don't care - my boss getting married did not bring on the apocalypse and if anything shouldn't you want the end times? Or would it get in the way of your current lifestyle? So I'm fine with it - considering I'm not sure I want to join up with the archaic institution, someone else is eager for it then go ahead.

5. Education - teach Evolution - for goodness sake and you can teach your early earth or whatever you believe at home - you still do parent right? I'm an old earth evolutionary creationist... who is more concerned that at the reading levels - and this whole banning books nonsense, and lack of American and World history that is taught. We do not live in igloos - haven't and never will - Canada is like Portland - scary I know - clean, with transit, Tim Hortons/Starbucks, over educated individuals - courtesy of our publicly supported universities and overall skinnier - yes we still believe McDonald's is a once a year treat not a food group and yes Universal Health care!

6. Jesus is not American - he does not believe in the American way of life or capitalism despite what James Dobson says - sorry to burst that bubble - so this whole WWJD stuff is so off in right field it's lunacy. Jesus hung out with the people relegated to the back row of your church or more accurately those who have never darkened the door - the raw vegan with dreads who sells me my lunch, the bipolar lady on crack who broke into my parents house, the swearing drunk hockey parents we used to have lunch with on Sundays - those are his peeps - what would Jesus do? That's a tough one - but being locked in a dark house on Halloween likely wouldn't be at the top of the list.

7. You fought for the separation of Church and State at one point in time - why don't you fight for it now? The gay rights thing being a perfect example - deal with it on your level - Church don't deal with it on State. And secondly might I remind you the word Church in this case is all religious institutions - I hear you crying foul when Muslims, Sikhs or Hindus work to alter the course of your country... again with the hypocrisy.

8. We've got better candy in Canada - plain and simple - Cadbury and all the wonderful stuff that comes from the country y'all decided you don't much like.

That about sums it up - one more thing - the Linkin Park in the previous post sums up my attitude on comments that I'm sure will continue to come my way....

Church culture = Hip Hop culture?

Relevant Magazine has a quote posted today from Entertainment Weekly, by Mos Def, on the Jena 6: "Why do people like me expect rappers to be activists when partying, acquiring material goods, and ridiculous posturing have been hip-hop mainstays for so long?"

Yes, why do we think that rappers should be activists? More so why do we believe anyone participating in a culture/movement will be seeking to alter it? Can we alter a culture/movement without addressing the overarching themes? I'm not even going to try and address hip hop culture or answer Mr. Smith's/Mos Def question in a direct fashion but maybe I can address it indirectly. Hip hop at it's foundation, could be argued a post- postmodern interpretation of folk culture who it's self found itself being modernised at the hands of such writers as Zora Neale Hurston and Harlem Renaissance. This issue of re-interpretation from the origin is the same issue arising for cultures that are dependent of a defined art form - be it written, vocal or visual in nature.

The issue is not so much in the reinterpretation, there has always been art created not so much for the benefit or annoyance/growth of the reader, hearer or observer - there has been art derived for self gratification of the creator. There are larger issues, one does art have a valuable, directional changing position in our culture now as it once has? Relationally how does art counteract our culture? Mr. Smith inadvertently highlighted this issue, in that the more controversial an artist is, the more notoriety and in the majority of cases with that comes wealth. With wealth comes the "friends," females and so on, and someone once controversial for the purposes of change has become party to that which they fought against. This issue is not limited to hip hop culture. It has infiltrated itself throughout our society, and right into the heart of the Church.

I could just as easily say "Why do people like me expect Christians to be activists when conferences, acquiring Christian music/books, and ridiculous posturing like foreign missions trips and charity have been Christian mainstays for so long?" So it's not a perfect alteration but the point is the same. Charity and missions trips have become the Christian mainstays in spite of what Mark Driscoll says is our complete ignorance of our own Godlessness and idols. The world sees our complete loss of self and direction and laughs at our gospel, like we laugh at Iran's president. We have no credibility. Our idols surround us, Starbucks (of which I am wholly guilty), sports teams/large screen tv's, TV, malls/fashion and it goes on. We can pack a stadium full of people passionate about speed, but about lives of sincerity and simplicity? I look at the life of a girl I tutor and I see the Church, her highschool missions trip to South Africa was something to add to her list of accomplished events rather than looking beyond her acrylic nails, tennis lessons and horse and seeing our brokenness and issue of justice. AIDS and lack of surival necessities like water are not available. Africa's needs are not first and foremost spiritual, they are first and foremost - education, clean water and peace. But we cannot see that, because we are in every way those "savages" we used to be dying to convert.

Even worse is our belief in charity first and foremost, "charity [is] a word to choke over. Who wants charity? And it was not just human pride but a strong else of dignity and worth, and what was due to [us] in justice"(Day,150).

How do we change the Church when as with hip hop culture the issue is not what the culture/lifestyle/movement was at the origin, is it rather an issue of a collective illness driven by or reflected by the overall culture: over-exposed women, feminism lost, over consumption, unequal distribution of wealth, war mongering/hate fueled, ignorance and compassionless.

Lastly, "Romano Guardini said the Church is the Cross on which Christ was crucified; one could not separate Christ from His Cross, and one must live in the state of permanent dissatisfaction with the Church" (Day, 150).

Are you dissatisfied? Or did McDonald's just satisfy you?

I am a whore....

I do confess.... On the level of reality I don't know if I need to confess that - spiritually sure but we've discussed that already. I'm revisiting this song again due to some further reading - namely a sermon/blog or whathaveyou from one of Leaha's friends.

"i proceeded to go on what must have seemed like an ultra-depressing rant, saying how much marriage freaked me out, how it seemed like i would be giving up too much freedom, how i thought the commitment was so huge and frightening. i said the concept of having this one person around me day after day - when i get up, when i go to bed, that kind of stuff - really bugs me. i like my independence. i like being able to lie around all day, with no shirt on, watching TV, eating leftover chinese food, playing my ps2, just being a bum, and i'm guessing that if i had a wife, she would want to talk about stuff, and she would want to eat real food, and she would probably want to take turns on the ps2 - or at least play with me - and then i'd have to let her, and if she wasn't very good at "madden" i'd probably get frustrated and then we might have a fight."

There we go, that's it - maybe that's at the heart of all the other stuff and not all the accessory reasons I have for saying I'm not sure if it's for me. The funny thing as life goes on marriage scares me more, maybe because I like the independence, the whatever or maybe as I've gone on, especially in the last few years I've come to realize things change, big time, flux and all that, the younger you are the easier the choice seems. My brother's wonderful words of wisdom still ring in my ears - if you'd gotten married at 21, you'd be divorced - let's be honest. Of course he chose to say this with my mother in ear shot - and she freaked, but if we're being honest I would have divorced Richard in a year tops, maybe two if we're being kind. Law school changed him - that's all he is now - his job, his "lifestyle," which did include cheating - in all aspects of life, and on top of his insane work schedule - he still pops on MSN at crazy hours - and at work of course. He hates tattoo's, he didn't understand my shower before bed policy, he didn't understand that I didn't like the idea of his mother raising our children, or even me living in Texas (ewww). Granted I didn't have tattoos when I met Richard, but I was going to get one, and also granted I wasn't sold on kids anyways and even the whole Texas thing wouldn't have been a issue like it is today, being vegan. But seriously it's Texas been there once prefer not to return...

So amidst that digression is the point, I know I'm a mess, I'm a headache, a list of all the things mentioned and I am and/or sort of am - Christian, vegan, pro-life, west coaster: "yogi, raw food lover, book obsessed, rain embracer, Starbucks addict to the point I need caffeine/cardio before I can order," stubborn, smart-ass/sarcastic, loyal and I'm sure they could continue on - hopefully with a few more positives. Then again maybe Jeremy's friend Stacy is right - maybe there will be that moment where it doesn't matter and to put on THE dress won't cause a MI or stroke, that I won't run like I feel like I would - even now and all that, or be seriously ill. Then again I think it's our nature - prone to wander regardless of how good we've got it - be it single or supported. And so right now the jury stands against the marriage situation, against the kids idea and all of it. I just don't know.

This is why I'm moving...

We've been watching for the most part the "God's Warrior's" Special on CNN - not out of a desire, but I guess research would be the best description. Research may not be the correct term either, as while Christiane Amanpour is for the most part out of the Americanize scope of CNN, she's still on CNN, nor would I take her documentary as "gospel truth." Regardless, it has been a sad couple of nights. The Jewish warriors - aided by misguided Churches in N.America who believe in the Zionist mentality, and their counterpart - the Muslim Warriors, with moderates apparently few and far between. However the "warriors" that offended and saddened me the most of course were the Christian warriors - the Moral Majority/Religious Right - the population are lemmings lead around by men who represent everything that is wrong with the US and even to some extent Canada. In essence a synecdoche, Falwell or Dobson or Robinson - take your pick, portray Christianity as a blinders on, empty headed, status quo, patriarchal/anti-feminist, pro-Republican, pro-Capitalist, white middle class religion. It's not, never has been, nor should it have ever become one. It is at its heart - controversial, it is not concerned with popularity contests - it's a take it as it is -all of it, or leave it - that's fine with me. I took it on, maybe you haven't and that's your choice. Just as it's my choice to ensure my vote is my vote - not my marionette pastor's - thank -you Greg Boyd for taking a stand on that. For the record I did vote Green in the last Federal Election - Green? Yes, sure it was a protest vote, but that's my choice. My heavily active with the Conservative Party family was of course unimpressed.

So the reason why I want to move - while my mother seconded my Amen to Boyd's message, she cringed when Rev. Richard Cizik was introduced. For those of you who do not know of him, he is one of the leading Evangelical voices in the campaign against Global Warming and Pro-Environmental under the premise we were gifted the Earth and designated to be stewards - and we aren't (the foundational premise behind me being vegan -but whatever). One of his most vocal opponents is Dr. James Dobson. Now, I have to confess I have not ever been a fan of Dobson - he's far too Conservative and egotistical for my taste - I find he functions on a sexist platform demanding the minds via the hearts of his followers. Fortunately I have been able to find the quote from a radio address, that made its way into the documentary "The Great Warming,"

“Cizik is convinced that global warming should be the most important social issue that confronts us,” Dobson reported. “In fact, he has stated last week that those who are skeptical of global warming are immoral, that is pretty close to being a quote.” Dobson complained that Cizik was elevating global warming over defense of marriage, sanctity of life, God in the public square and teen-age sexual abstinence. Dobson worried that anti-emissions regulations that Cizik supports would “paralyze industry and put millions of people out of work.” The “net effect” of proposed international regulation of emissions, targeting the U.S. but omitting much of the world, is “anti-capitalistic and an underlying hatred for America,” Dobson alleged. (http://www.examiner.com/ - Mark Tooley).

Anti-Capitalist? What the #%&*@, since when has Christianity had even a shred to do with Capitalism? Let's recall here: rich man parable, tax collectors, angry Jesus in the temple courts, poor/subsistence apostles... last time I checked Jesus didn't set up a company specializing in personalized wine vessels as method sharing him message. If you happen to find one, I would be happy to change my opinion. Rather he used the most basic and sincere method, He lived it outside of all that could overshadow. So began the bickering that ensues in our house - the hippy liberal save the world child vs. her conservative, let the government and my taxes do the work parents. I don't believe any structure should or will ever be responsible for my faith - in that home school or private Christian schools, especially as universities are a travesty. Yes, I did attend a private school through high school - but I was blessed with very liberal teachers - how they got in there God only knows - Mr. T who spent years teaching juvenile offenders in Michigan, Ms. Patekau who was just fine with independence and singledom, Mr. Rauser who's Masters in English started a fire - primarily with his passionate readings of Atwood's "A Photograph of Me" - we read as controversial as could be pushed literature and even Mr. Neufeld.... The heart of a private education is not to avoid what is out there - the world - we are ultimately to be a light on hill, not a cloistered, spineless feeble minded fool. Children raised in a society without challenge or dimension to their beliefs are ultimately punished in the long run. At the university level to believe that a Christian education is equivalent to an secular one is outrageous. A peer from high school graduated with an English degree from one of two acredited Christian universities in Canada - when questioned about her readings I was not entirely shocked to hear that she had read none of the same books - no feminist or no Canadian literature, no Booker/PEN Hemingway/Giller prize winners - nothing - just vanilla junk. How can we be the same when she was never challenged, rather read censored material? Horrible!

I never intended that this would morph into this and I haven’t even discussed the whole Creationism debate – simply I’m an evolutionary creationist – the Bible is not to be taken literally on the creation issue – as it’s a visual depiction given to Moses – he was not there. The direct translation that 7 days must be 7 days is absurd. And lastly science while fallible through the years has made a decidedly consistent case for evolution. I don’t believe we arose from the primordial sludge, however, we’ve most definitely changed – even humans, just look back over the centuries as conditions have improved our bodies have changed – transfer that over hundreds of thousands etc. of years and change is most definitely possible – science and faith are not mutual exclusive.

Needless to say after all the heated discussion from my opinion the book should be thrown or maybe even used to beat Vick, and that justice is not longer blind - but rather consumed with Perez Hilton to the religion issue. In the end I do believe there are more important battles then the sanctity of marriage (you'd be more likely to see me supporting a GLBT group then any right wing Christian group), abstinence training (just because the Bible says No, isn't going to cut it) or whatever is being touted as the disease affecting America, when it's the slight imperfection on the surface of a fruit rotten to the core - I'm tired of being a heretic in training. I want to be one, don't get me wrong - but not by picking battles with my parents - they fight enough as it is.