Boys Suck?

Well I would be the first to say that is the case - especially considering I'm blogging instead of talking to Mr. Third Strike boy - I don't know what else to call him - I know the moniker puts him in a hole off the get go - but the thing is he is in a hole already... said he'd be online and well I want to go to bed - so get online or I'm moving on - I've got no patience for this shit - really I don't.

So here's the deal - if he goes south more so then his current residence I'm resigning my dating license and letting my dad take a go at screwing up my social life - and in the process being an awesome Mennonite daughter and allowing for an arranged marriage. . .

He gets until 8 and then I'm off to bed and he's off to somewhere other then my MSN. I am aware that I'm likely bitchy and all that because my day started off waiting 30 minutes for a bus to show - one that is suppose to run every 5-8minutes and then had to deal with the Skytrain and walking to the office etc... being late and then having to do the same thing in return 8 hours later - yay!! And on top of it all the snow means I can't get to the gym...

And yes that is Vancouver - looks fabulous doesn't it? Ya, no - bring back the flowering trees in January - that's fine with me, seriously.

Photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sheying/307300122/

Cheap Therapy...

Since I'm poor, retail therapy isn't an option - and food based therapy requires I bake - and I'm not up for it tonight - but yes I have been known to make brownies at 10pm before - normally only around exam time though - thus not induced by the one affliction I wish removed from my psyche - so thus literary therapy is my only option. And you all get to join me in it.

I came to a realization earlier on in the week - I know just two short days ago - marriage doesn't scare me anymore in regards to one person thus far - it's given me nightmares, cold sweats and heart palpitations with everyone else I've known or thought of in that respect. Which will reaffirm for some of you why I'm single -but whatever. So I talked to Leaha about this and she suggested that I blog this panic I have about not panicking... what the ___ is wrong here? I even suggested to her I would even be willing to use the word submit in my vows to said person. Something has definitely short circuited - I'm a feminist - I plan on using birth-control and I plan on seeing it as a partnership - I'm no one's property - I'm defined apart from, not in relation to, and yet... this person exemplifies that kind of character - the kind that would let me have freedom, so much so I would be willing to reign myself in. Someone I wouldn't hesitate to have 4-6 kids with... saying that it's apparent I need help - an intervention.

You know Leaha I didn't want to blog this because I'm going to look at it tomorrow and cringe and even worse I live in daily fear that this will all be found out - and I'll blush crimson on Sunday, violent and hot. Then again that will likely happen on Sunday anyways - if he's there... which a large part of me hopes he's not so I can breathe deeply again and move on...



Just to add to the beautiful crazy as Leaha calls it - posted because Damien is the thing that every crazy person needs to listen to.

About this MennoMeet business

I realized something today kind of funny about this meeting/dating site, now granted this is a generalization but the women on the site - have jobs, like real ones - nurses, doctors, lawyers, professors, in other words under job it doesn't say still on the hunt for my M.R.S.. There are vegetarians, vegans (yes not just me), there are self proclaimed feminists and the such like - so why exactly are they not married? Is the Mennonite church that ______, I was going to say backwards but I'm aware that's solely a perspective thing. These are great women - activists, compassionate, passionate, independent etc. Then contrast that with the farm boys on there - now granted I know one of them is animal friendly - but the others? One wants to ranch, another has a profile pick with a carcass! Ew, isn't even the half of my feeling about that but going all PETA on his sorry self isn't going to change that and so just wondering out loud here - how are they going to get any connections when the women are "modern" and the men are archaic?

Just something to laugh about I guess

This is all your fault Joel...

Note: Sarcasm in use... as it normally is, and it has been edited to clarify.

It started when you managed to prove to me that all men aren't scum bags out to get what they can however they can get it. And it would have all been wonderful, except for your thing for red heads, (and yes, there were other reasons etc) and then we parted ways. I was left without my movie and chatting buddy, and you replaced me with your new online dating girlfriend - who I'm sure is lovely, seriously. So what now, after months of you being tired of my bemoaning singlehood, men in my life and all that I have to concede I have a bigger issue on my hands. And Joel it is all your fault. If you had never planted the seed of online anything in my head I would not be dealing with a crossroads, a very issue of hmm, what is this? Or more accurately how do I use this site, properly when everyone is strewn across N. America? In the end is it just a way to meet a friend?

I've met X, why not just keep him out of this right, give him privacy before he gets hauled across the type of this site later on - like all the other men in my life, honestly I'm not sure if he'd be offended or not. Anyways, a sustainable/organic farmer boy, who appreciates classic science fiction, amongst other things we've managed to discuss in essay long emails. But I sensed a hesitation in the last one, and rightfully so.

So in general with this whole online business, while I'm an all or nothing girl when it comes to honesty and all that - it can be all to easy to pour it all out in type and not consider that those words may never leave your lips, at least not so edited and constructed. I find myself wondering, do the spaces in between mater - both land and personal? It's not like I'm trying to define the conversation, nor am I using this as a venue to start that conversation - let me be clear about that. It's just that an friendly conversation, but where are the borders? Does it ever have to, have borders if it's a friendship? If it isn't just that when or where does that conversation take place. It struck me when Cheryl commented that who knows how many people are talking like this to other people at the same time? And then I remember back to you Joel, and our months of talking, your patience to warm me up to the idea I had been trying to avoid. You proved people can't talk like this for a long period of time without some kind of emotional investment. Even worse is to invest without any idea of what would happen, then the two worlds literally collide, and implode.

For the record, yes it was mutual - but yes, we were in the long run not compatible and from your current situation I we can both agree you're better off, right?

Temptation

While I would love to say I'm being tempted by food, I'm not and really have not been of late, it’s a curious thing this vegan lifestyle. I’ve had near perfect skin, but yet I can tell you my body is sensitive now, maybe as it should be. After a busy week I feel it – exhaustion that is, and the good kind – like the “I worked hard, my body kind of aches, time for a night with a Suduko puzzle and Max to regenerate kind.” Another curiosity is I can now burn/tan, for the last 3 years I could have paid good money to gain a stitch of color – just a stitch. But no luck and yet last week after about an hour maybe two in the morning sun with Melissa and I was redder then my glorious hair, hmm.

Regardless, a food temptation is still easy to get around, just remove yourself from situation, if you aren’t staring at the carton of cookie dough ice cream then maybe you are not actually craving it, have a cup of peppermint tea - and if that does not work remember the very last time you consumed that product - yes it may be a little hazy taste-wise but the pain, oh the pain - that is well remembered.

So if food is not my temptation, then what are they? One a beautiful tagine on Sur la Table's website (anything on their site is tempting to be honest – wok, steamers, or a comal, second Stella McCartney pumps on E-Bay and the last and most pressing - most likely the root of the other two - the cursed dating site, more specifically a response from someone, anyone? I am at the point where I am ready to quit - but not before finding a way to get through to everyone on that site. It is not a dating site at its heart, or if it is, it is not being used as such; instead it is collections of friends posting on each other’s sites. In doing so it’s become like Facebook, and when they possibly venture past their friends sites, the first thing seen on my profile is "Hometown: Vancouver." What’s so wrong with Vancouver? Just because I do not live in Kansas or Indiana, I’m some how not even worthy of any type of message. I love Vancouver, I mean just look at the city coming into the downtown core – it’s beautiful, clean (when there is no civic strike) and it’s got all you could ever need in its neat little package. That being said, sure I live here for now, but does not mean it's going to stay that way forever, or even longer than two years. But whatever, I keep feeling like this whole process, the ugly frustration of being ignored is enough for me to say who cares, this is obviously a confirmation that I am meant to be single… I feel a little theme song coming on, so to rectify all of the above, I’m first buying new running shoes – I’ve been due for months, two going for a run, three, doing the Grind, and if at the end of all that and my marathon cooking session the thought of buying those Stella heels is burning through my mind I’m quitting the site, then if worst comes to best, buying a pair – in the end is it really that bad to top a good workout, cooking weekend with a pair?

Boy, Oh Boy...

If you aren't a reader of my other blog, you should be, because then you would know that I just this past weekend sojourned across the border to the land of the catcall and pickup line. I know the US is known for a lot of other things, but apparently sexually aggressive men is one of their lesser known commodities. I've said it before - I don't look at you like that so don't look at me like that, and I guess I can expand that to - if you wouldn't say that with your mother next to you, then why would you say that? It wasn't just the lame pick up attempt or the cat call, every service guy seems to not be aware that the line between customer service friendly and trying to get my number number friendly is one that they've crossed. It's unnerving and offensive at times.
And at the same time I cannot seem to get anyone interested in me on this dating site. Yes I'm aware of the hypocrisy of that statement. Yes, I have made it public that I believe I'm not to marry - and maybe all this is evidence of that. I'm not sure. But I do find it a big fascinating as a whole, when I've made the attempt to be friendly - and the response has been cold - versus the one blond, feminist none the less gets the attention. Hmm. Well in the end at least I've found another vegan, tattoo menno - so I guess the two of us can join forces in our attempts...

The pic? Well lets just say that's a pretty good representation of the guys who tried quite lamely I might add to pick us up on Friday night. It's couresty of http://flickr.com/photos/74561290@N00/

What veganism has taught me about love

There's a limited selection when you are out looking, especially when you are desperate. I've had several moments where I've stood in front of the Amy's section in Choices and just about gave up on this all. Not because I wanted meat, but because I wanted to be able to eat something fresh. I know that I could have made something the night before but with the shifts and everything else, some days it's hit and miss. It's been like that recently when it comes to men, with all the commotion about Cheryl's wedding, it's been like the parading of cheese bagel from Granville Island in front of perpetually, reminding me of something I've wanted, but keep blocking out (and yes I know I could have picked something like cheesecake but I can make some - but then this analogy doesn't really work)... anyways it seems to be in these cases that I get swept up in all the love stuff. I was thinking about it today, it's not even like I really want it - I just want someone in my life that I can hang out with like Joel and I did - no commitment, none of the complicated stuff, but apparently as we've seen even that stuff gets messy. It isn't going to happen, and no one is going to be able to make a vegan version of the cream cheese bagel sold only at Granville Island, that I used to have every Sunday as a child, and nor am I going to find a man who respects and hopefully partners with me in the following (in no specific order): my Mennonite history/upbringing -ie. shares my strong feelings on pacifism, culture and faith, my faith in general, my veganism, my love for: food/an Epicurean geek, athletic pursuits (Grouse Grind and Yoga top that list), camping/outdoors, my passion for orphans and East Europe/social justice work, my fascination with Yiddish/Jewish culture, my ink (tats), my love for reading/education, and if we are getting picky at least an appreciation for Organic Chemistry... They do not however need to know anything about medicine or want to know about medicine... that is one area that I am happy to leave out. Also a general alignment with left of center thought, "liberal" as it sometimes referenced, non-type A personality and a bit of a daredevil is preferred.